71 Degrees

Dear Diary,

 

71 degrees on Saturday.

Mostly clear skies.

That's what the app said.

Could be a day to head to the park.

Maybe even a picnic?

Make some sandwiches. Pack the chairs and frisbees.

Get the cooler out of the closet, pick beer from the store.

 

Or maybe take the Duck Creek trail?

A bike ride by the river with the kids.

9.7 miles one way.

And lunch at the grill place

or the Ethiopian joint by the river's edge

 

Pack lots of sunscreen

And the bug-spray

Maybe a jacket? Rain possible at 5, the app said

Whatever.

We'll just wing it.

 

Or how about a barbeque?

Call everyone over. Like a potluck.

BYOB though.

Let the kids play in the backyard

Start early. End late.

 

71 degrees on Saturday.

Mostly clear skies.

Watched “The Lego Movie” in bed

Did laundry

Hand washed the masks.

Message in a bottle

7th May 2020

Hey there my younger me.. 

Here we are. 2020. You're probably just putting down that Abdul Kalam book as you pick this up. The book was nice. Somewhat fanciful, but knowing what I know now, it had it's heart in the right place. We'll give it that. So did life turn out like what Abdul Kalam thought it would? Simply put, No. If anything, 2020 India feels more like Indira Gandhi's India than Vajpayee's India. 

But we're not here to talk about India, rather to talk about you. 

Yes. Let's talk about you, and how everything turned out. I won't tell you about the exact events in your life (where's the fun in that??), but more about what you take out of it. 

On the whole, life will be pretty good. Believe it or not, your angry temper will not be what people know you most for. Barring the odd eruption, your tongue won't get the better of you. You'll even get a handwritten compliment which says "Mr. Calm". Imagine that!! And that won't be the weirdest of things.. For all your struggles in your engineering college, you will be best known in publicly for an academic achievement.  You will learn to trust yourself that things will eventually work out, and that will be half the reason for your angst to calm. 

And that's because the other half (or should we say the better half??) will be the girl. 

Which girl, you ask? Why that same one!! The one that you eagerly wait for every evening as you take your dog out for his nightly round, and hope to time it exactly with the her filling up drinking water from the society water-tank. The one that you do not dare to ask if this is anything more than just friendship, for the risk of losing those precious 45 minutes of your day. Your life will have a purpose and there will be meaning to everything you do. Almost all that turns out good in your life, will stem from her. All because even today you want to be a better man, just for her. 

And then there's the kids.. The two most adorable Darwinian success stories one can imagine. They will be your biggest satisfaction and your biggest dread, all rolled in one. Everything else you do and achieve, will pale in comparison to the feeling you will get when you tuck them in for the night, as they are secure in the feeling that you are there for them through the night.  

As with every high, there will be lows too. You will come face to face with irreparable loss, and have to figure out a way to deal with it. Loss that everyone has to face, but there's no troubleshooting guide on how you can get out of it. You'll muddle your way through it, but as you deal with your own loss, you will lose sight of the troubles that others in your life are facing. Unfortunately you will not be there for them when they need you the most. And worst of all, it will be too late by the time you come to your senses. 

Career wise, it'll be an interesting journey. You won't be too low down the food chain, but you won't be as high as you would like to be either. Like Abdul Kalam, you will be known for an "achievement" which basically involved being at the right place at the right time, and everything you do thereafter will be an afterthought. You will see up close the mendacity of phrases like talent and ability,  but you also won't fight hard enough for what you want, for fear that you will end up as something you don't want to be. Or at least that will be your excuse. That, and the realization that there were more people who would rather be in your shoes than the other way around. 

Your dreams won't come true, but what does come true will be beyond your wildest dreams. Like you won't be the writer you want to be today. But you will take some writing classes which will force you to reflect on how lucky you have been. 

Life, in short, will be net positive. 

Your older you.. 

The Agent...

"Yes?" 

It was a man, in his 50's, carrying a newspaper. 

'That's unexpected', I thought to myself. I was hoping to see a watchman open the gate to such a palace. Or maybe a secretary to the old star. Not an uncle in his pajamas with the Times in his hand. 

I took the piece of paper out of my pocket again.. It did say Bungalow 23. 

"Uh- sir.. Yasmeen ma'am??", I stammered. 

"Kya kaam hai?", he barked. The gate was still open enough just to fit the width of his body. His gaze out of the top of his glasses looked like he was already accusing me of a crime that I just had to admit to. 

"S-s-sir.. Yasmeen ma'am se kaam tha".. I mustered some courage. 

"Yasmeen nahin hai ghar pe", his gaze still on me, "baad mein aana" 

That wasn't the plan. Yasmeen herself had asked me to come. "Lekin sir.. Yasmeen ma'am ne bola thha 3 baje aane ko.. Insurance policy pe sign lena tha", I tried my luck again. Not a good day to have not charged my phone. 

"Bahar gayi hai. Baad mein aana" 

"Ma'am kab tak aayengi?" 

"Maloom nahi.. Kal aana" as he shut the gate on me.. 

3 o'clock on a May afternoon in Mumbai is torture, even if it is on the Worli Sea-face. "S-sir.. thoda paani mil sakta hai?"

 His gaze mellowed a little. "Idhar ruko" 

He turned toward the house.. I nudged myself through the gate and stood there. 

The house definitely had seen better days. It felt like it must have been used for shooting scenes of old Asha Parekh movies where her rich father in his silk robe and pipe would stomp down the stairs demanding the poor hero just take the blank cheque and get out of his daughter's life forever. Maybe Yasmeen Alam  herself acted in some of them too. Her producer dad had made all his money with pretty much the same formula for 20 years. It must have been one spectacular house even on a summer afternoon many years ago.

But that was then.. And what was in front of me, was something else. It reminded me of my mother's line that you can tell the love in the family just by looking at the house. Now it looked worn and unloved, just like the uncle who had gone in to get me a glass of water. The gate was rusting, and the house was probably not painted since they shot all those Asha Parekh movies there.. The lawn had turned brown and was quite obvious it hadn't been cut for months. There was even a large hole dug in one corner by the fence. 

"Must be their garbage disposal", I chuckled to myself. 

"Yeh lo paani", came the voice, breaking my chain of thought.. Somewhat embarassed at being caught smiling to myself, I guzzled down the water in one gulp. You'd have thought that someone living on the Worli Sea-face would have a fridge in their bungalow. 

I could see the old man a lot clearer now. He wasn't that old.. Must have been quite handsome himself all those years ago.. He must have been related to Yasmeen herself. Similar face cut, but haggard. Beads of sweat dripping down his face, like he was reading the newspaper with no fan or air-conditioning. His nails had a bit of mud on them, so maybe he was digging that hole in the garden, who knows!! 

"Sir.. chalta hoon.. Yasmeen ma'am ko bolna, Dileep aaya tha.. Kal toh weekend hai, Monday ko aaoonga"  

 

"Theek hai"

I now had 2 hours free. No sale meant I couldn't treat myself to a taxi to Mahalaxmi station. I was not looking forward to the walk, nor the weekend ahead of me. At least the train ride to Mira Road would be empty at this hour.. 

Monday morning, I tried the number she gave me, but no response. Like she didn't need policy any more. At 1, I decided to make the hike to Worli again. I got to the station early to renew my pass, when I caught the headline in the Mid-Day... 

"80's STAR HACKED TO DEATH OVER PROPERTY DISPUTE - BROTHER ABSCONDING!!!"

Some things are genetic..

It's funny how genetics work, you know!! 

If you have ever been to our house, you would remember that as you enter the house, there's a switchboard with 3 light switches - one each for the night lamp outside, a chandelier that shines the spotlight on anyone entering the house, and the staircase upstairs. For reasons that will be clear soon, let me also tell you that each of these lights can be operated by 2 way switches elsewhere in the house. 

This was sometime last week. It was almost bed time. The kids bedrooms are upstairs, and it is part of our nightly ritual to tuck them in to bed. As my daughter and I started making our trek up the stairs to her room, as part of my daily habit, I switched off the lights to the stairs by the door. My daughter, walking ahead of me, stopped in her tracks, turned around, walked passed me and switched the lights to the stairs right back on. Then she sped up the stairs and switched the same lights back off using the other switch closer to her bedroom. All, while I stood there with a completely puzzled look on my face.. 

"Don't you see??", she asked pointing to the switchboard by the door.   

I still couldn't see it. 

"Look!! All three switches are pointing down at the same time!!" 

It made perfect sense!!! I couldn't help but wonder, how 12 year old me also used to be fascinated by random instances of symmetry in real life. Of course, 2-way switches were something I had never seen in my life till I was maybe in my twenties, but I definitely remember ensuring doing hockey drills in perfect 8's and painstakingly making 2 stacks of 26 playing cards instead of randomly just making 2 piles. I would even prefer to keep my 3 books in 3 piles of 1, instead of 1 pile of 3 - at least that's my excuse for the mess on my table :) 

Somewhere along the road, this changed. I stopped looking out for such random symmetries in life. I guess life happened.

All these thoughts flashed through my brain in that single moment. 

And then I said exactly what I think my very practical minded dad would have said to me 30 years ago.. 

"Stop doing this timepass, and go to bed quickly" 

It's funny how genetics work, you know!!   

People Like Us!!

The Harvard Business Review had an interesting case study / paper published about 20-odd years ago, known as "Parable of the Sadhu". To provide a precis version of it, the author is going up on a hike in the Himalayas when his group finds a sadhu in acute hypothermia. Without their intervention the Sadhu would be dead. If they intervened to ensure his safety, they would miss their once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to complete this hike. To cut a long story short, the group takes enough care of the sadhu to get him out of the hypothermia, but carried on on their journey. 

No one knows if the Sadhu survived or perished. 

Someone that I really respect (not many of them around), brought this parable to my attention and asked if in our rush to get back to normal, we are making face shields, masks, sanitizers whatever, similar to taking sadhu up to a point, but not making sure it is going to keep him alive.

I don't have an answer to this question as such. What I do know, is that it is very common to look at things in the short term, and only do what is necessary to solve this current problem and move on, instead of reflection on why this problem was created, and what we need to do to ensure it never happens again. Today it is COVID-19, tomorrow it could be something else, but the people who are impacted by it today, will be the ones who are impacted tomorrow as well. 

I would go so far as saying, that the amount of interest in COVID is primarily because it can happen to everyone - especially those who watch cable news and read newspapers at leisure. For years, we have known that our slums are unhygienic, and the urban poor really have to battle death at every corner of their daily routine, and we have not done anything about it. People like you and me, set up RO filters for our water, put up inverter backup for failing electricity, even take insurance for houses. We send our children to private school (and extra tuition on top of it!!). As far as possible, we would like to avoid any face with them. We even have separate utensils for them and some places do not even let them travel in the same elevators as us.. We live a life of privilege, even though we tell ourselves that we are "middle class". 

For someone living in the slums at Dharavi, COVID may not be any scarier than the cholera outbreaks or TB outbreak or coming under a train while doing your morning business. We are now trying to make sure that guy in Dharavi is safe, not because we care for him, rather that there is a chance that the illness might transmit to people like us. Once we come up with a way to make sure there's no way to get this from "them", past history suggests we won't even bother with what happens with the virus, let alone what happens to them, until the next COVID comes about 5-10 years from now. 

At no point, do I want to demean the risk of COVID-19. It is a dangerous illness that can be debilitating to anyone who contracts it. Just that some would have the ability to bounce back from it, but most who contract it might not even be counted in official statistics, and we would rather  lock them down some place where they are nowhere to be seen.  

Ask yourself this, if you were put in this situation, where you are invisible, not even a statistic, what would your reaction be? How long do you think your patience will last? Would you accept this or would you do something about it? 

If you did something about it, would you be anti-national? 

Will COVID-19 allow us to be completely honest about ourselves, or would we go back into our imaginary utopia once the hysteria subsides?

Saare reeti riwaaz hatakar

Dekho apne ghar ke andar

Shayad kahin kisi kone mein

Ghoom raha hai kaala bandar 

Things I think I think

It's been a while since I did one of these.. Just like the times we live in, these are mostly incoherent thoughts. Feedback is always appreciated.. 

• Writing is my getaway from the rest of the world, something I do for myself to step away from all the push and pull of the universe. So, I could say that I am writing this to get away from all that's happening in the world right now.. So I should try and avoid any mention of it throughout the post. Unfortunately right now everyone is thinking about it, it is what everyone is talking about anyway, so I'd be a fool to not write about it either. 

• Somewhere in the era of populism, I feel that expertise has been sacrificed. It is my belief, that an expert owes her allegiance to her field and the truth, no matter how uncomfortable it is. In this era, the one who is great at what she does is generally not the one in the ears of the person we have chosen to make a decision. Rather it is the person who says whatever it is that the decision maker wants to hear. Maybe if this had happened about 12-15 years ago, we would have been better off. 

 

• Growing up, we were always told that this was a world where you were better off providing an honest assessment, instead of a convenient one. That world barely exists any more. What remains is that there's very little humility floating around. There are always limits to what we know and what we can do, and the person who accepts these limitations is generally sidelined for the one with the "can-do" attitude, because that's the convenient option. If this is how things used to forever, then I am surprised  humanity has lasted this long. 

 

• It also bothers me too much that the people who matter have way too much invested in the status quo, materially and emotionally, that instead of focusing on what is right, their entire focus seems to be how quickly we can get back to normal. If you go back through recorded history, be it financially, climatically, technologically or ethically, this current era is probably the anomaly. Thus, what is this normal that we seek, and is that really a normal we want? Or is it time to come to an understanding of what is the normal that works for most? If that is to happen, can it happen in an era where trust on each other is almost zero?

 

• The fact is that at this point, I don't know what exactly I think about it. My normal mode used to be to take precautions about things, and then leave the rest to probabilities. And till now, for the most part, probabilities have been on my side. Or at least that has been my default mode. Stuff is what happened to other people. That was till my dad passed away. The circumstances of that event were of such low probability, that I have tempered my "take all precautions, and ride the wave" philosophy. 

Since then, as you can probably tell from this post, I don't know what to think anymore. I did manage to make an entire post without actually mentioning it, didn't I?  

 

What does it mean to be human?

Note: the following is an exercise that I had to submit at an online writing class / workshop that I am participating in. The brief was that I pick a song that I love and consider to be a great song and and turn the narrative of the song into a story, written in prose. 

Can you guess the song I picked? 

***

The Smithsonian National Museum of Natural History has a spectacular website and on that spectacular website is an interesting page, which asks an abstract question.

 

WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE HUMAN?

 

Visitors to this webpage, can submit their own responses and I don’t know how to explain it, but when I landed on that page the other day, I couldn’t help but notice an entry by a 4-year-old girl named Olivia from Palatine, IL.

 

“It means I can imagine I'm a horse with my friends.”

 

Imagination.

 

That one thing which differentiates humans from the rest of the species on this planet. Pretty much everything that we humans can relate to, is an imagination of some kind:

 

Heaven or Hell – Imaginary concept of an afterlife that really no one has been able to prove to date.

 

Countries – Actual geographies, yes. But pretty much divided by imaginary lines drawn on a piece of paper by a bureaucrat in an airconditioned office somewhere. What is Slovakia today, was Czechoslovakia when I was a baby, and was something called Bohemia a little over a century ago.

 

Religion – I mean c’mon.. really?

 

All it needs, I guess, is for a bunch of people to imagine a common imagination and start “selling” this imagination to others who are not busy imagining things. Which also begs the question, that if you had to imagine something, why would you imagine something to kill or die for? Wouldn’t you imagine a life where all the people, are living a life of peace?

 

It might sound ridiculous or idealistic at first glance, but is it really? What gives one person the right to be superior to another? What is it today that prevents the world to be as one? The more I think of it, I am certain it’s just our ability to imagine.

 

So, I say, if we have to imagine a world, let it be one where there’s no greed or hunger. A world where there’s no yours or mine, just ours. A world that shares its wisdom and its knowledge and works towards the betterment of all the species that have an equal right to be on this planet.

 

A world that imagines a better version of itself.

 

Because that’s what makes us human.

 

You may say I am a dreamer. Surely, I am not the only one!! 

Show quoted text

On Competence...

There is a time and a place for everything. 

For bravado and braggadocio. 

For taking no prisoners and accepting no responsibility. 

For taking the credit and deflecting the blame. 

For superiority of class or caste or religion or hierarchy. 

But this is not that time. 

This is the time to be humble. 

A time to be open and transparent. 

To accept that mistakes have been made. 

To provide the confidence that mistakes will not be compounded. 

To ensure that there’s something bigger than what sets us apart

To be together. 

To be competent. 

You ain't no friend of mine!!

When I was younger, so much younger than today, a place of worship was brought down. 

What ensued, meant for the first time I was checking who my friends were. Till then, they were friends. Thereafter they had an adjective before the "friend" attached. A religious adjective. Up until then, religion was mostly defined by who went for Catechism and who took Moral Science. But then it became some much more. 

It became political. 

However, even with all the politics around, I was always told that politics shouldn't come between friends. 

At some levels, it felt right. Every strain of political thought goes with some things that are said, and most that are unsaid. You may say that markets are the solution to economic worries, or that the government is the panacea to things that markets are incapable of handling. You could disagree whether the biggest threat to the nation was the neighbor to the West, or the one to the North East. You could discuss whether the Nuclear Test was worth the sanctions that the rest of the world put upon the nation and have differing views on it. 

But what was unsaid, yet plainly understood, was that there was a common destination for all, but the route we took to get there was a matter of disagreement. 

Up until now, that is. 

I could go on and on about how manipulative the whole set up is, but there are people who are better at me in putting words to the anguish. 

Like Prem Panicker here in this masterful post in a style that only he can: In the beginning was the word

The manipulation is so detailed, and so deliberate, to demonize people who are just asking to be heard. Not only are they now people who "will enter “your homes” to “rape, kill, your wives and daughters”, they are also people who will do anything for money because some opposition parties are offering 500 bucks per attendee at these protests. (Makes you wonder though, if a political party can actually fund a few thousand people every day for over 50 days, and claim political benefit out of it, you'd assume that this party would have a budget beyond belief.. Now which party would that be??) 

But anyway, I digress. 

It's becoming very clear (to me at least) that forget the route, there is fundamental disagreement in the direction in which the country should be headed. I was the fool who thought that a developed country was not an insecure one. I was the idiot who felt that giving people the opportunity to shine, is more important than blockading an entire state for months together in the name of integrating them with the rest of the nation. 

Apparently, when we were promised development, this development is what everyone wanted. 

Politics shouldn't come between friends.. But if that's the development you want, then you are no friend of mine.. You can keep your country, but you are no-one to me.. We might be cordial, but to me you are a perpetrator. If you believe that a million people, braving the cold, waiting patiently for someone to come and talk to them, are traitorous mercenaries, then it is you that is despicable, not them. 

There is still time though.. Mere andar ke jaanwar ko mat jagao.. 

Let's Say it's all true..

Let's say you're telling the truth.

Let's go with your logic that people are being deliberately misled 

Let's say that it's people lying about your intentions 

Let's say that your intentions are super noble 

But what does it say about your credibility and your track record on communal matters, that people who took you on your word on GPS chip waala currency notes, and a supposedly Good and Simple Tax, and that a F16 was downed, and 300 terrorists being killed in a surgical strike, and a Naga peace accord, and Acche Din, don't believe you 

Primal Fear

What is fear? 

Is fear the same as being afraid. ? 

Is it semantics? 

Of all the emotions, fear, along lust, is probably the most primal. Fear, of the lurking predator, is what brings out all the survival mechanisms in an animal. Without fear, animals would not survive their next encounter with a predator. The prey knows the predator, and knows what the predator is capable of, so has to be constantly on the lookout for not giving the predator any opportunity to pounce. 

So how do you describe fear? 

More importantly, if someone "tells" you to be fearless, can you automatically cure yourself of the fear? 

It may be all in the mind, but it is in the mind where you win or lose. Where you fall prey or survive. Fear is the one "emotion" common to all animals, including us humans. 

That said, if there's one thing that's definitely unique to us humans, it's the concept of identity. Identity is what defines us, gives us meaning, provides us a safety net, when there is nothing else to fall back on. 

Identity is what keeps us sane. 

You can identify yourself in whichever way you feel like, but it's your identity. If someone comes along and puts your identity under threat, is when you feel most vulnerable to your neighborhood predator. 

And no matter how much someone comes along with words, there's nothing you or I can do, to assuage someone who believes their entire identity is being threatened. 

This is their battle. 

This is my support to them. 

 

The release

this is a blank paper. there isn't anything to write. the words are gone. the habit of writing is gone. but that cannot be. I have to get out of this funk.

And there's only one way.

By writing. Whatever comes to mind should be on paper.

Because this is my release. 

The Farewell

So there we were.. Two of us..
Walking about a mile..
The mile we didn't want to walk..
But we had to..

For many years ago, a promise was made.
I want to see the Pacific ocean once in my life, he said,
Or if I can't make it,
take my ashes

Like that Nehru, who apparently
Was taken all over the country
at least that's what they told us in school.
You live there, you can do it as your dharma.. ..
Half in jest, I'd said ok

And here we were, with the ashes, walking that mile..
On a glorious day.
The kind that would make you
fall in love at first sight with the ocean

There he was, in a tiny container,
One that he had got Lindt chocolates for us in.
and we, Nikhil and I, bent over
To let him see and feel the water that he so wanted to see

The water entered the container,
and slowly he became one with the ocean,
Almost as if old memories were being renewed,

And then, with recognition done
Came out a huge wave, the largest that day,
Took everything, the ashes, the container, the memories along
As if to say, "Old friend, what took you so long?"

The Seeta maiyya defence..

Many many moons ago, there lived a Maryada Purushottam.. On most accounts, he was supposed to be a fine human being - to the point of being almost revered as an avatar of a celestial being. As the name suggests, he was a just and noble ruler. There are very few reports and evidences of his justice and nobility, but my grandmother said he was and I don't think my Dajji had any reason to lie.

Anyway, our dear MP (it's a pain to type Maryada Purushottam every time, boss) was all fine and dandy, except for a tiny flaw. It's debatable if it was a character flaw or it was more being in touch with those times, but in today's day and age, our MP would be considered as a Male Chauvinist. More like an immature chauvinist, for whom the world revolved around him and his responsibilities and everyone and everything can pretty much take a hike. ("Man" kind hasn't evolved much since then, I know.. The burdens we all bear)

For example, MP had zero issues with asking his newlywed bride to pack up her bags (or whatever existed in those days to pack belongings) and join him in exile in the forest for 12 years. All because he made a promise to his dad and stepmother. Old school tropes like "a woman's home is with her swami" are thrown around at such times, but my point is that MP had the opportunity to be a little different (show leadership, think out of the box, and all that jazz) and he blew it.

Or take for instance, the time when Lady Purushottam was kidnapped. It so happened that our man went all Tarantino on a Sri Lankan lady who made a pass at him. Lady Jayawardhane's brother sought revenge and in an act of tit for tat (oh how inappropriate!!) kidnapped Lady Purushottam..

Now Julius Jayawardhane (not quite his name, but you must admit that it has a nice ring to it) was by all accounts a reasonable, if slightly impulsive, man. It's said that he held the wisdom of 10 men in his brain. In his rage, he took Lady Purushottam to his kingdom but treated her with the utmost respect throughout. But kidnap her, he had and therefore he had after all touched her.

Now after a battle of galactic proportions, our man MP rescued his wife. Not that she was in much strife but somehow the record always states "rescued" like she was being tortured day and night, month on month, year by year and all that.

So here was Lady Purushottam, literally and figuratively, spending years in a garden with nothing else to do, and now her swami has vanquished mountains and monkeys and demons and Himalayan Ayurveda to take her back.

Everything is awesome, all over again!!! Husband and wife, two soul mates of centuries past, united again and lived in celestial marital bliss!!

Err.. Just one glitch..

Our man here, never really went about looking for his wife because, you know, she could be in any danger. He went, because someone "stole" his wife and it was a matter of lost honour. At least, that's what it looks like, because once he went about decimating all the odds and got his wife back, and honour restored and all that, here's happened..

Agnipariksha.. (another man had touched her, you see)

Not like her word counted for anything. The dude went through a bunch of hoops and then decided that he did not trust her after all. So very doubtful that he trusted her to begin with. He was an honourable man, and his honour counted more than anything else.

So for the sake of his honour and ego, The Maryada Purushottam made his soul mate go through a trial by fire. If she had nothing to hide, then she'll have no problems in the fire, or any other ordeal that she'll be made to go through.

The concept of burden of proof lies on the accuser was not in vogue in those just and simple days.

That definitely will not happen again today right??

Not with our modern day Maryada Purushottams also being among the best legal minds in the country, right?

Right???

True Story

6th December 1992. I'm thinking it was around 11.30 in the morning. 

A day and time  that I doubt I will ever forget. Changed everything I knew about the world. Changed the way I saw my friends and the way I saw complete strangers, and almost certain it changed the way how people saw me. Even today, 24 years later, the happenings of that day are imprinted in my mind and believe it or not, I even recall where I was, at the time. 

At the ophthalmologist, getting glasses fitted for the first time. 

What did you think? 

Story of my life

Filmmakers are the experts in storytelling. Conveying story arcs and displaying emotions on screen, are easy, or relatively easier, than getting the message across in a visually fulfilling and stimulating manner for the audience. Which is why we have some movies which are just so-so, and some which are really the work of genius. Very often, these two movies may not even have much difference in terms of plotlines and story flow, but the treatment and the presentation which can make or break a movie.

A critical element of the presentation of the movie, is the background music. A good background music score, can help convey the emotion of the moment in the movie better than any line of dialogue. The key to good background music though, is that remains often in the background, and keeps the story flow front and centre. Composers of great background music, are practically curators of art, where they blend into the cinematic furniture, but bring a glow to the movie, which can never be replicated. They can uniquely convey the mood of the movie, often from the perspective of the protagonist(s) that helps the audience better understand which way the story is going to develop. An incompetent composer, on the other hand, can literally turn your cinematic gold, into a piece of unadulterated garbage.

Unfortunately, real life provides no such background music. The song in your head, plays according to the mood you're in. The sad part though, is that the song playing in your head is very often much, much different in mood and tempo, to what is playing out in real time in front of your eyes. Blessed are those, who can recall and play the most appropriate song / piece of music in their heads, for that instant, that moment,  as it unfolds. 

Maybe that's is what true success is. After all, I am told, success is just a state of the mind.

As it turns out, my own Christopher Nolan movie feels at times like it has a music track by Sajid-Wajid. It IS a Nolan masterpiece, that most "directors" would give their right arms, and an kidney to call their own. But the entire experience somehow, somewhere tends to wear me down. The problem I think, is the background track.

There are days, where I think I could do with a different curator of my background track and that the current one has gone beyond its shelf life. You could say that the "band I'm in, starts playing different tunes". Or to convey to a younger audience, it's almost as if my livestream is on a constant buffering mode, playing at BSNL speeds.  To be fair to them, Sajid-Wajid are trying their absolute best, but it's not really looking like the right fit to the story.

How will this story unfold? 

Watch this space, I guess

All I can say is, it's not even time for the Interval yet :) 

Fixed You

When I first heard of the Coldplay concert, I did think about it. But I figured there would be a million others and the rush and the crowd and all of that meant I decided it was better to keep my twenty five thousand in the bank. 

As it turned out, while the concert was going on, I was in a different crowd, trying to get those twenty five thousand (in hundred rupee denominations, mind you!!) and thinking about the Coldplay concert, where I gather they played this song..

Fixed You - 

When you want your own dough, but you don't succeed
When you won't get what you want, not even what you need
When you're so penniless, that you just can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
All your life's worth that you just can't replace
It's all legal, but there's no one to explain
Could it be worse?

ATM lines will send you home
And confuse your bones
And He would have fixed you

From Delhi above to Kochi below
Lines long enough to just let it go
But if you never stand you'll never know
Just what you're worth

ATM lines will send you home
And confuse your bones
And He would have fixed you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face and you
Tears stream down your face
2019 you'd learn from your mistakes
Tears stream down your face and you

ATM lines will send you home
And confuse your bones
And He would have fixed you

On Federer

"He should retire.. Why doesn't he retire??"

That's pretty much where conversations lead to these days.. Whether it's continuous beatings at the hands of the latest sheriff in town, or injuries.. Or just the guy has won so much that he doesn't need it any more..

But essentially the entire conversation leads to the topic of the guy's retirement.

For a long time, I too was of the same opinion.. All the rooting for the guy, the incessant viewing of the latest score - all the apps, all the websites, all the television channels (now in HD).. and all I've had to show for it since for pretty much the last 6 years is disappointment..

So, essentially my response to the disappointment is to ask him to stop it.. To retire, because I know I cannot take it any more.. I know in my heart of hearts that he will have to beat 7 guys essentially 5-8 years younger than him to win another Grand Slam..

And I have lived long enough to know that it's not happening, or rather if it DOES happen, it will take a miracle of Leicester City proportions..

But then Cilic happened.

And everything came rushing back.. The same frustrations, ecstasies, reliefs.

And came the epiphany.. It's an individual game, no one is forcing anyone to play.. He's still good enough to be 3 in the world.. If I cannot handle the disappointment, it's not anyone else's problem.. Certainly not his.. Especially if he's playing as if he's having so much fun..

Keep on playing sir..

It's not you, it's me.

The F- word

Every so often, it becomes important to sit down and question. And so, the Question of the Day, seems to be something on the lines of –

“Does anyone, anyone at all, know what the hell is going on?”

It’s all nice and easy to say that X is anti-national, or Y is autocratic or whatever. But whatever it is that you are saying, with so much certainty and sense of finality, it implies you are very well aware of the repercussions of what you say, and with the knowledge of this, you stand by what you say.

Even if all you have done, is actually pressed on that WhatsApp message, copied that message and then touched that right arrow and broadcast it to the 256 contacts on your phone, who then have forwarded to 256 more such blow-hards.

You still stand by what you say. Or forward. 

But then, that implicitly assumes you know what is going on.

What if you don’t? What if you’re being played? 

This thought keeps coming to me, when I see people express their anger on social media. Eminently normal people, people who I meet and see every once in a while, some close, some not so, all evidently have a humongous reservoir of anger deep inside, where they express what’s deep inside. They call people names, they advocate murder, support lynching on the foundation of whataboutery, call for armed revolt, and what not. Many of these do this, even though, their “side” is supposedly the responsible one.

Do these people have any clue to what they’re saying?

And then people like this, vote for people like them, who then land up in the corridors of power.

Either completely clueless, or extremely cognizant, of the power they wield.

The worst part is, I don’t know which of the two, is the scarier scenario. 

First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out—Because I was not a Socialist. 

Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out— Because I was not a Trade Unionist.

Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out— Because I was not a Jew.

Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.

Martin Niemöller (1892–1984)  

 

Life in the age of Razzle Dazzle

It's amazing.. Simply amazing!!! 

How is it that no matter what I try, I never have time to do anything that I want?? So many things, often meaningless, mundane bull crap, that occupy my mind, that need my immediate attention, and the day just speeds by as if it's Dash on steroids.. 

You'd think there's been some technological miracle that has made a day last only 19 hours!!!

The funny thing is that I hear so many people, who keep saying this to me about their own lives. 

If only there was some free time for me to just concentrate!! 

So then I sat this morning, and tried to figure out what the problem was.. And it hit me that there indeed has been a technological miracle.. One that has been in my hands for the longest time.. 

The frikkin' smartphone!!

Earlier, there used to be some time to switch off. Some "down time" which allowed the brain to relax a bit. Now, with the addiction of the smartphone and the gadgetry and apps and the non-stop blast of information coming at me, the brain is consistently occupied with no refresh mode.. 

The problem is not the down-time, or lack thereof.. Rather it's more to do with the fact that the feeling of being rushed into things is not something that I am very fond of. It makes me take short cuts, where I shouldn't. It forces me to speed through things which I should spend more time thinking about. 

Like reading the headlines of the newspaper, most information thrown at me hardly provides any details of what actually is going on. 


The rush to the next bling, is the closest I have come to an addiction.. 

The problem with this, is that with incomplete information, it is always possible that my thoughts and decisions are half-baked and not well thought through.. I might be taking the easy way out, instead of doing what is right.

In short my brain is more System 1, rather than System 2.. The sad part is, it's quite possible that I am not the only one.. 

A state of affairs where Donald Trump can be looked at as a possible Leader of the Free World, suggests that I am definitely not the only one obsessed with the next glitter in town. One where the simple promise of "Acche Din" has a greater connect than detailed policy specifics, and where a prestigious military event needs the likes of Akshay Kumar and Kangna Ranaut as "brand ambassadors"  is not the one I was told that I would be growing up in. 

Is it possible, that all the nonsense spewing in the world, is basically a side-effect of our own busy schedules and inability to find the time to think?? 

I think he knows what Rome is. Rome is the mob. Conjure magic for them and they'll be distracted. Take away their freedom and still they'll roar. The beating heart of Rome is not the marble of the senate, it's the sand of the coliseum. He'll bring them death - and they will love him for it 

~Gladiator 

(Full disclosure: Even as I type this, I have Apple Music streaming on my phone) 

Brain damage..

The lunatic is on the grass

The lunatic is on the grass

Remembering games and daisy chains and laughs

Got to keep the loonies on the path

It never was this way.. That's what everyone seems to say.. You never got killed for what lay in your fridge.. I don't know if that was ever the case.. It have heard of weird stuff happening for a long, really long time... Maybe people are getting killed for the food in the fridge all along.. It just wasn't being reported maybe.. Who knows?? Maybe the liberal media is playing up things.. Or maybe the entire shenanigans are a result of a lot of people finding their voice in the new majority that they have gotten.. The anonymity that being in a mob allows them, makes them do things that would never dream of doing if they had to do it all by themselves.. Maybe beef, is a symptom of a wider malaise..

Who knows??

Who cares??

The lunatic is in the hall

The lunatics are in my hall

The paper holds their folded faces to the floor

And every day the paper boy brings more

It's not as if bad news wasn't flowing through in previous governments.. Bad things kept happening.. The damned set was corrupt, that's what they all said.. We got rid of them, got promised good, nay great days.. But the bloody bad news keeps coming unabated.. One weirder than the others.. Every single one of them, where people unwilling to take individual responsibility for their actions, acting in a group.. The PM says it's not his fault.. What could he do in Delhi, if a dude, hitherto unknown, got lynched in Himachal, or wherever.. Writers were getting bumped off for the longest time.. We didn't say anything then, did we?? So why now, you biased so-and-so.. 

But it's not about finding fault, is it?? It is about accepting the fact that this has happened, and being ashamed that something like this has happened on my watch.. It doesn't matter a whit, if it had happened before.. We didn't like it that the other lot took zero responsibility for the shit that hit the fan on their watch.. We hoped that you would be different.. But alas, you're no different than the other bunch.. 

And if the dam breaks open many years too soon

And if there is no room upon the hill

And if your head explodes with dark forbodings too

I'll see you on the dark side of the moon

The lunatic is in my head

The lunatic is in my head

Maybe it's not really them.. Maybe it's me.. Maybe it's me that's driving down the wrong side of the road, blaming everyone for coming in what is, essentially, a one way street.. Maybe it's all in my head.. Maybe I'm the wrong guy in this bunch.. 

Maybe

Just, may be..

You raise the blade, you make the change

You re-arrange me 'till I'm sane

You lock the door

And throw away the key

There's someone in my head but it's not me.

So then, what should we do?? What should we do to all these voices in my head that keep telling me to call their bluff?? What should we do to the tremendous urge to tell everyone to just shut up, and not outrage, since there really is nothing to outrage about?? What should be done to the feeling to sit them down and explain to them the simple statistical fact that when you are 78% of the country, there is no bloody way in this universe that you can be outnumbered by someone that is only 13% .. Even if we live in Kalyug, these are actually the most peaceful and prosperous days that humankind has since the Big Bang.. 

But is the ONLY way to drown outrage, MORE outrage??

And if the cloud bursts, thunder in your ear

You shout and no one seems to hear

And if the band you're in starts playing different tunes

I'll see you on the dark side of the moon

~ Brain Damage

By Pink Floyd

Lazy thoughts

It's not very often that I have not had a computer to type out a quick blog. But over the last three odd months, I've refrained from writing something. That's because, we got rid our old faithful desktop and are yet to replenish our computing stocks with some worthy equivalent. As a rule, I do not use my work laptop for any of the blogging activity, in order to keep some level of propriety by not mixing work and pleasure. 

That being said, it's not like the thought process has stopped in the intervening period. So, I'm trying a new method to post something. Something that I ought to have done long , long ago.. Use the iPad to blog about the world..

It's a grand Sunday afternoon, with the Ganpati immersion processions enforcing a kind of house arrest. The kids are playing and studying (in some combination thereof) and it's basically a lazy day. Just the kind of Sunday I normally have in mind.

Wonder why I never thought of this writing via the iPad thing before??

Killing the Golden Goose..

Overdoing something is such a common human tendency that Aesop was compelled to write a fable about it..

However, when it comes to India, Indians and Indian politicians in particular, there is an affinity of a special kind..

The immediate incident that comes to mind is the news report recently that Engineering college seats in Maharashtra are only 2/3rds occupied.. Out of about 157,000 seats in 365 engineering colleges, only 107,000 seats will likely be used up this year..

Read that again.. 365 engineering colleges.. in Maharashtra alone..

Over a 20 year period, this number has gone up 3 fold, with the number of seats increasing 4-fold.. Also, there's really no substantial increase in the number of government colleges, it's only fair to assume that this increase is solely fueled by private institutes mushrooming up in every nook and cranny of the state.. Every single money bag, either a politician or with political connections, worth his / her salt has an educational institute - mostly engineering and medical colleges - instituted in the name of their father, their son and the holy spirit. The resultant supply overshoots demand - remember population growth rate and economic growth rate have not kept pace with the increase - and we have ghost classes

A normal economist would call this a classic demand supply mismatch and would probably wait for the supply curve to correct itself to meet the demand or whatever.. But when there's an Indian money bag involved, rational economics can go for a toss. A lot of these "institutes" are likely the avenue for churning funny money into legal tender.. So, the promoter, really doesn't see the need to wind up - since the actual need for this college is being met anyway.. All you are left with, is engineering students, brought up on a rote learning system, with the sole objective to pass 4 years of undergraduate school, get placed in a "Cogni" type body shop, 2 years to return a positive ROI on the engineering fees and then an MBA - Rinse, Repeat.. see above.

It's not just Engineering colleges.. it's everywhere.. Kindergarten / Day Care.. MBA / Medical schools.. Tuition classes.. from KG to PG..

All to make a quick buck.. and everyone happy... Unfortunately, unlike the famous Warren Buffett quote, there's really no sign of the tide going out anytime soon.. 

This is not a post with a solution in mind.. It's probably a good idea to have an engineering body to certify the engineering skills of individuals - kinda like the Chartered Accountancy thing - for the engineering degree to mean something. But not knowing enough about who and what can certify engineers, it's not right for me to comment.Plus, what all can you regulate?

It's just something that's bothering me, that's all..

My old English teacher once told me that Fools rush in, where the angels are fearing to tread, but would you rather be a rich fool or a middle class angel?? 

Blood, sweat, but no tears - a Father's Day post..

They say every boy's role model is his father, and I have been no exception..

From the walk, to the hairstyle and the voice tone, not to mention the looks, the love for English music, the ability to sit in front of a computer endlessly, the natural tendency to watch TV lying down, (I could go on and on) I have consciously or sub-consciously copied my dad. Well, everything except the smoking habit - that my brother has picked up..

As I sit here and try to refresh my memories from 36 years, so many instances stick out on how my dad was way ahead of his times.. Every now and then, I meet women who relinquish their career choices to satisfy those of their husbands, and I think how - in 1987, no less - my mother went to Germany for 2 years on her own for her Ph.D work, with the full support of her husband.. He took care of us, as a "single" parent, not just for those 2 years but even beyond that, since my mom worked daily in Mumbai, especially the 6 months in a year, when my grand parents were away in Delhi, he ran the show all by himself..He ran his own business, but he would be there for every school event, every teacher meeting, every sick note, and every breakfast..

Once in a while, when I fret about how doing a job is pointless and how I should start something of my own, but really don't have the balls to do so, I am simply amazed how he managed his little business, from scratch to a respectable level, give it his blood and sweat and tears, only to see it crumble one fine day.

No sweat.. No excuses.. Just dust yourself up and do your job.. ..

However, like most "men" he's not very comfortable with emotions.. It's something you just don't do - I am no exception.. It's probably how generations of men have been raised.. Keep calm and carry on.. Do your job, and don't worry about frivolity like emotions and sentiment..

No wonder, the hero of this post - my dad, would probably think of Father's Day as a colossal waste, therefore potentially rendering this post as a waste too.

At least that's what he'll say publicly.. Deep inside, I think, he loves the attention :) 

Happy Father's Day, Papa!!! I hope I can be half the dad that you've been to us..

  

10 Questions..

So..

1. Are you going to participate in the International Yoga Day?? 
2. If you are, would you be doing it as to fulfill your fitness routine, your religious beliefs or out of patriotism? 
3. If it is out of your fitness routine, are you doing it regularly or just tomorrow? 
4. If it is not part of your regular fitness routine, why are you doing it tomorrow? Just for kicks or to keep up with the Joshis?? 
5. If you are going to do this as part of your regular fitness routine, do you normally exercise on Sundays? 
6. If you are doing it out of your religious beliefs, what about yoga is religious? 
7. If you are not doing it out of some weird patriotic belief that by doing this, you reinforce your patriotic duty now that the Indian Government has successfully lobbied the United Nations to make June 21, International Yoga Day, will you be engaging in this next year, when International Yoga Day will be on a boring Tuesday?? 
8. If not, is it important to you that you be part of a Government sponsored mass PT event that makes it to the Guinness Book? 
9. If you are going to do it anyway, for a reason not mentioned above, will you still be taking part if someone called it the Indian version of North Korean calisthenics?
10. Finally, if all this is purely symbolic, and really nothing is going to be gained out of this entire "exercise", why are you wasting a bloody Sunday??? 

A Blank Canvas

"Where were you, when the pages were blank??" - Paul Butterworth

The blank page - or screen, in this case - when I am sitting to write, can be very overwhelming. While the computer loads the screen (I have a really, really old computer, mind you) the wait can be quite excruciating.. Not quite sitting in the dentist's chair, but it is extremely daunting to stare at the screen as it loads..

In that one moment, whatever that I had thought of writing goes off poof... Like Baital..  

The challenge therefore, lies in overcoming this blank slate. 

The easiest way to overcome this stasis is to write something, anything, as it comes to mind.. 

Bhimsen Joshi on the playlist, and a cloudy, typically Puneri monsoon morning is definitely a big help too.. 

May not quite be 300 words as promised, but any writing is good.. 

Releasing that vulnerability is essential, especially on the 4th day "sober" :)

If I can fill the blank canvas, with no inspiration, then on better days, I can be more creative.. 

At least that's the hope..  

Dear BJP..

There exists a truism in life, "Never argue with idiots, they will bring you down to their level and then beat you with experience".. For the longest time, I believed our relationship being one such, and therefore never bothered interacting 

Yet, it never hurts to engage with people, idiots or otherwise, especially if - as in our case - we have to make peace for the next 4 years, and very likely more. It is important to explain where we stand, and what our misgivings and misunderstandings might be, and to try the very best to give it the best shot.. 

This, therefore, is the beginning of the effort. This ought to be a regular exchange, and hopefully not one sided.. 

You see, I have historically been accused of being a Congress supporter, an unfair (and to use a recent Jaitley term, baseless,) accusation. The Congress has historically made a mockery of the potential of this country, indulging in cynical symbolism. They have succeeded in doing this, because thus far, there was no voice to point this out. 

And I was so hoping, against hope, that yours would be that voice.

The reason I say this, was because your past interactions with me have not really been very inspiring.. You see, I am not the type who gets patriotic or outraged or anything like that.. So your past shenanigans have been a turn off.. I have also been wary given your role in stoking the "religious" fire, even though you might term that as much needed.. As for your record in power, I think it is fair to say that the root cause of the Kargil war was an intelligence failure, plus you ruled over 2 other major security lapse - the Indian Airlines hijack and the attack on the Parliament.. You even handed over a major criminal - with the defence minister actually escorting the bastard Masood Azhar as part of the handover.. Economically, I really don't remember life being any better - and the downturn of 1998 - 00 actually took down our family business.. Basically, the romance of the Vajpayee rests in the minds of the people who have either been in nappies then or were wearing rose tinted glasses. 

But still, it was time for a change, and whether I liked it or not, you were that change.. 

I must say, that though the initial noises were promising, they had an important lacuna. That was the absolute and complete lack of details on what it is that you were planning to do, other than bring India's GDP back to 8% and restore India's reputation in the world - for which there is no universally agreed to metric.. Your manifesto, if I am not mistaken, actually came out after the first phase of voting.. It is a reflection of the Indian mindset that you won such a thumping majority despite nobody knowing what exactly you were going to do.. Your focus on "execution" and not so much on questioning the fundamentals of Indian governance, also implied to me that you didn't have a problem with the patronizing, favour based system of political governance that the Congress has cynically executed for 60 years, rather your problem was with the execution of the system.. 

But, as they say, raat gayi, baat gayi.. 

Your first 13 months in power though - an important milestone since Mr. Vajpayee first was elected for 13 months - have been essentially UPA on steroids.. Nothing really different from what the 2 Manmohan Singh governments have been doing, just rushing through them.. Again, very little focus on details, more on the optics.. Whether it is ramrodding the Land Acquisition Bill or the GST upgrade or the Aadhar, all of these are essentially bills that you blocked continuously through the last 5 years, and now it is your 300+ majority that is allowing you to get these in place.. 

This is what I don't understand.. If the people of India voted for a change, why are you giving us the same shit that the UPA had been trying to serve us for the last 10 years?? The single largest land holder in the country, by a hitherto unknown order of magnitude is the Government of India.. Why then do we need a Land Acquisition Bill? Why is it that the names of Warren Anderson and Quattrocchi need to be pulled out when Lalit Modi comes to the fore?? I mean, what's the bloody connection?? Why is it that you need to indulge in continuous "what-about"ism when any question is asked of you?? Why is it that a party which promised "Minimum Government, Maximum Governance" has brought about more regulations in the first year than the last 3 combined?? 

And I am not even going to the Sakshi Maharaj and his other loudmouth brethren.. 

Fundamentally, is your only plan for Acche Din, to apply lipstick on a pig?? 

  

Working for Free

Every once in a while, there comes a moment, when I wish I had a bigger house, a larger car, and essentially, more money in the bank.. There's no guarantee when that moment will come, but it does.. You could say, that it has started to come with a frequency that is more regular than what I am comfortable with. 

I don't know what the driver for this is. My hypothesis is that it is essentially my mind conscience asking if I would still be doing what I was doing, if there was no money involved.. Or to put it in a different way, would I be doing what I am doing, if it were for free?

I really don't know the answer. I enjoy what I do for a living, but yeah, the money is good. Is it something that I would do if I had to do it for free? I don't know. I think that I would, but I really don't know and that is probably the best way to put it. I also get the feeling that I am not alone in this "quest" since I see a lot of people - all, incidentally, the same age or thereabouts as me - doing a lot of things that they probably wouldn't do if they had to do it for free.

Anyway, all this thought in my head can be very distracting at times. It's not something I particularly enjoy or anything, There are definitely times, when I start berating myself for not being more money conscious. This is especially true when I see / hear of people who have large amounts of money spare to invest in some non-sensical (in my mind, at least) scheme which guarantees more returns.. Maybe its my conservative mind which wonders how much money would these folks have available, that they can "play" with large sums (10-12  Lakhs is a big deal, IMHO). I mean, what use is a fucking Stanford degree if you can't be rich??

But then when I think about it, I realize that some folks take the elevators and some take the stairs, and those who take the stairs tend to be a bit fitter. I don't know if that is true, but hey, those are my sour grapes :)

So imagine my intrigue when I landed on two different links from two different sources on this topic. Both these individuals are pioneers (at least in my mind) in their field - coincidentally the same field of investing - and both came up with different perspectives on how to approach this topic. Sanjay Bakshi, - the legendary fund manager, teacher and one of the good guys in life - linked to a long post on how the philosophies of his life have evolved and how he has essentially moved to a life where he is not working for the money. Deepak Shenoy - Founder, Capital Mind - had a fantastic post on his "FY quotient" on how much money he would need to live a life of luxury for the rest of his life, without doing much and essentially Fuck You" to life. (I cannot find a link to the post right now, and I shall update as soon as find it, but I trust his opinion, and can definitely say that I am nowhere near living the FY life, since I don't have anything close 15 crores anywhere).

Essentially, what both those articles brought to me, that there comes a point, where the enjoyment of what you're doing takes over and the money doesn't matter. It does require a certain amount of financial security, and the more I think of it, I am probably close - not quite there, but close. There is a roof on top of my head, there is a nest egg that's being developed and all in all it's not so bad.. Also, one factor, which is somewhat inspiring / motivating is that these fine gentlemen were in a similar situation as I, when they were my age.


To cut a long story short, there's hope..

Joe Heller  True story, Word of Honor:
Joseph Heller, an important and funny writer
now dead,
and I were at a party given by a billionaire
on Shelter Island.
I said, "Joe, how does it make you feel
to know that our host only yesterday
may have made more money
than your novel 'Catch-22'
has earned in its entire history?"
And Joe said, "I've got something he can never have."
And I said, "What on earth could that be, Joe?"
And Joe said, "The knowledge that I've got enough."
Not bad! Rest in peace!"
--Kurt Vonnegut
The New Yorker, May 16^th, 2005

Ground Rules..

- This is not the first time you're probably reading this on the blog, but it really shouldn't take me 4 months between posts, but that is something I really need to correct.. Now, have made a goal to myself to get into healthier living habits (and, touch wood, have made a decent start, if I may say so myself) and one of the things I really need to get out of my system is all the various things that I would like to write about (and also a book, if all goes well)

- One of the things I have realized, is that not writing regularly stunts my brain. I feel it makes me dumb. I don't know if I have writer's block - since I never considered myself much of a writer - but I think the practice of writing makes one more prolific - kinda bit sized version of Malcolm Gladwell's 10,000 hours concept. And I really want to write more..

- SO.. Going forward, what I hope to achieve is one post, minimum 300 words, on a daily basis. (I know I have said this in the past, but hey, no point in being cynical about this). It could be here, or somewhere else, but writing is a must..

- Also, Rule #2, is that the post shall be written at home, and not at my place of work. That is because, it is not fair for me to do that. This is, and shall remain, my hobby.. If something comes out of it, great.. But there's no point in writing for the sake of writing.. There should be a time and a place, and that time and place belongs in my spare time and not at my place of work. If, for whatever reason, I don't write a post, it should not be a time to beat myself up, rather accept that I missed a day (or two) and move on.

- What I aim to achieve out of writing more regularly is the ability to construct my thoughts (or "regain" the ability) such that I can write better, more creatively, and (hopefully, fingers crossed) be able to write a story creative enough to publish one day. I think, that I have now a small window in my day, when I can write, and I would like to make full use of this window..

So wish me luck..