Over the last year or so, I have had two deaths in my family. My grandfather on my dad's side and grandmother on my mom's side both passed away. Baba died suddenly on the night of September 1st, while Ajji passed away due to late stage Parkinson's disease yesterday. Her last days were slow torture for her, and we can definitely say that she went to a better place, where she will not have to face any pain. I have reconciled to her passing away a lot better than I did for Baba's. That was very sudden and I think everyone was stunned by that one. He died in his sleep and it is said he looked very peaceful, so basically he faced no pain. In the matter of death, the two cases were about as antipodal as it possibly could get. What was common was the innate sense of loss that I felt.
The more I think about it, the more I feel miserable that I could not be there for the last few moments of their lives. In a way, they may be happy up there, that my last memories of them are those of smiling faces wishing me good luck, hoping to see me soon and not those of their mortal remains. But it is tough. I probably have yet to get over Baba's death even though it is almost 10 months to the day it happened. I can't get over the fact that the last time I spoke to him, he actually mentioned that he couldnt wait to see me next time I was there. I have not gone back to India yet, but it will be very emotional for me not to see him there. As it will be when I go to Ajji's place. For years it has been Ajji's place. Now she is not there, I wonder what it will be. For me it probably remain Ajji's place. 27 years that's what I have been calling it. It's like one by one my links to my childhood are going away and all I have left is memories.
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