Things I think I think

It's been a while since I did one of these.. Just like the times we live in, these are mostly incoherent thoughts. Feedback is always appreciated.. 

• Writing is my getaway from the rest of the world, something I do for myself to step away from all the push and pull of the universe. So, I could say that I am writing this to get away from all that's happening in the world right now.. So I should try and avoid any mention of it throughout the post. Unfortunately right now everyone is thinking about it, it is what everyone is talking about anyway, so I'd be a fool to not write about it either. 

• Somewhere in the era of populism, I feel that expertise has been sacrificed. It is my belief, that an expert owes her allegiance to her field and the truth, no matter how uncomfortable it is. In this era, the one who is great at what she does is generally not the one in the ears of the person we have chosen to make a decision. Rather it is the person who says whatever it is that the decision maker wants to hear. Maybe if this had happened about 12-15 years ago, we would have been better off. 

 

• Growing up, we were always told that this was a world where you were better off providing an honest assessment, instead of a convenient one. That world barely exists any more. What remains is that there's very little humility floating around. There are always limits to what we know and what we can do, and the person who accepts these limitations is generally sidelined for the one with the "can-do" attitude, because that's the convenient option. If this is how things used to forever, then I am surprised  humanity has lasted this long. 

 

• It also bothers me too much that the people who matter have way too much invested in the status quo, materially and emotionally, that instead of focusing on what is right, their entire focus seems to be how quickly we can get back to normal. If you go back through recorded history, be it financially, climatically, technologically or ethically, this current era is probably the anomaly. Thus, what is this normal that we seek, and is that really a normal we want? Or is it time to come to an understanding of what is the normal that works for most? If that is to happen, can it happen in an era where trust on each other is almost zero?

 

• The fact is that at this point, I don't know what exactly I think about it. My normal mode used to be to take precautions about things, and then leave the rest to probabilities. And till now, for the most part, probabilities have been on my side. Or at least that has been my default mode. Stuff is what happened to other people. That was till my dad passed away. The circumstances of that event were of such low probability, that I have tempered my "take all precautions, and ride the wave" philosophy. 

Since then, as you can probably tell from this post, I don't know what to think anymore. I did manage to make an entire post without actually mentioning it, didn't I?  

 

Story of my life

Filmmakers are the experts in storytelling. Conveying story arcs and displaying emotions on screen, are easy, or relatively easier, than getting the message across in a visually fulfilling and stimulating manner for the audience. Which is why we have some movies which are just so-so, and some which are really the work of genius. Very often, these two movies may not even have much difference in terms of plotlines and story flow, but the treatment and the presentation which can make or break a movie.

A critical element of the presentation of the movie, is the background music. A good background music score, can help convey the emotion of the moment in the movie better than any line of dialogue. The key to good background music though, is that remains often in the background, and keeps the story flow front and centre. Composers of great background music, are practically curators of art, where they blend into the cinematic furniture, but bring a glow to the movie, which can never be replicated. They can uniquely convey the mood of the movie, often from the perspective of the protagonist(s) that helps the audience better understand which way the story is going to develop. An incompetent composer, on the other hand, can literally turn your cinematic gold, into a piece of unadulterated garbage.

Unfortunately, real life provides no such background music. The song in your head, plays according to the mood you're in. The sad part though, is that the song playing in your head is very often much, much different in mood and tempo, to what is playing out in real time in front of your eyes. Blessed are those, who can recall and play the most appropriate song / piece of music in their heads, for that instant, that moment,  as it unfolds. 

Maybe that's is what true success is. After all, I am told, success is just a state of the mind.

As it turns out, my own Christopher Nolan movie feels at times like it has a music track by Sajid-Wajid. It IS a Nolan masterpiece, that most "directors" would give their right arms, and an kidney to call their own. But the entire experience somehow, somewhere tends to wear me down. The problem I think, is the background track.

There are days, where I think I could do with a different curator of my background track and that the current one has gone beyond its shelf life. You could say that the "band I'm in, starts playing different tunes". Or to convey to a younger audience, it's almost as if my livestream is on a constant buffering mode, playing at BSNL speeds.  To be fair to them, Sajid-Wajid are trying their absolute best, but it's not really looking like the right fit to the story.

How will this story unfold? 

Watch this space, I guess

All I can say is, it's not even time for the Interval yet :) 

Life in the age of Razzle Dazzle

It's amazing.. Simply amazing!!! 

How is it that no matter what I try, I never have time to do anything that I want?? So many things, often meaningless, mundane bull crap, that occupy my mind, that need my immediate attention, and the day just speeds by as if it's Dash on steroids.. 

You'd think there's been some technological miracle that has made a day last only 19 hours!!!

The funny thing is that I hear so many people, who keep saying this to me about their own lives. 

If only there was some free time for me to just concentrate!! 

So then I sat this morning, and tried to figure out what the problem was.. And it hit me that there indeed has been a technological miracle.. One that has been in my hands for the longest time.. 

The frikkin' smartphone!!

Earlier, there used to be some time to switch off. Some "down time" which allowed the brain to relax a bit. Now, with the addiction of the smartphone and the gadgetry and apps and the non-stop blast of information coming at me, the brain is consistently occupied with no refresh mode.. 

The problem is not the down-time, or lack thereof.. Rather it's more to do with the fact that the feeling of being rushed into things is not something that I am very fond of. It makes me take short cuts, where I shouldn't. It forces me to speed through things which I should spend more time thinking about. 

Like reading the headlines of the newspaper, most information thrown at me hardly provides any details of what actually is going on. 


The rush to the next bling, is the closest I have come to an addiction.. 

The problem with this, is that with incomplete information, it is always possible that my thoughts and decisions are half-baked and not well thought through.. I might be taking the easy way out, instead of doing what is right.

In short my brain is more System 1, rather than System 2.. The sad part is, it's quite possible that I am not the only one.. 

A state of affairs where Donald Trump can be looked at as a possible Leader of the Free World, suggests that I am definitely not the only one obsessed with the next glitter in town. One where the simple promise of "Acche Din" has a greater connect than detailed policy specifics, and where a prestigious military event needs the likes of Akshay Kumar and Kangna Ranaut as "brand ambassadors"  is not the one I was told that I would be growing up in. 

Is it possible, that all the nonsense spewing in the world, is basically a side-effect of our own busy schedules and inability to find the time to think?? 

I think he knows what Rome is. Rome is the mob. Conjure magic for them and they'll be distracted. Take away their freedom and still they'll roar. The beating heart of Rome is not the marble of the senate, it's the sand of the coliseum. He'll bring them death - and they will love him for it 

~Gladiator 

(Full disclosure: Even as I type this, I have Apple Music streaming on my phone) 

Ground Rules..

- This is not the first time you're probably reading this on the blog, but it really shouldn't take me 4 months between posts, but that is something I really need to correct.. Now, have made a goal to myself to get into healthier living habits (and, touch wood, have made a decent start, if I may say so myself) and one of the things I really need to get out of my system is all the various things that I would like to write about (and also a book, if all goes well)

- One of the things I have realized, is that not writing regularly stunts my brain. I feel it makes me dumb. I don't know if I have writer's block - since I never considered myself much of a writer - but I think the practice of writing makes one more prolific - kinda bit sized version of Malcolm Gladwell's 10,000 hours concept. And I really want to write more..

- SO.. Going forward, what I hope to achieve is one post, minimum 300 words, on a daily basis. (I know I have said this in the past, but hey, no point in being cynical about this). It could be here, or somewhere else, but writing is a must..

- Also, Rule #2, is that the post shall be written at home, and not at my place of work. That is because, it is not fair for me to do that. This is, and shall remain, my hobby.. If something comes out of it, great.. But there's no point in writing for the sake of writing.. There should be a time and a place, and that time and place belongs in my spare time and not at my place of work. If, for whatever reason, I don't write a post, it should not be a time to beat myself up, rather accept that I missed a day (or two) and move on.

- What I aim to achieve out of writing more regularly is the ability to construct my thoughts (or "regain" the ability) such that I can write better, more creatively, and (hopefully, fingers crossed) be able to write a story creative enough to publish one day. I think, that I have now a small window in my day, when I can write, and I would like to make full use of this window..

So wish me luck..  

Completely Unrelated Questions

If you had to choose between the competent - but corrupt - and the incompetent - but well "intentioned" - which one do you pick?

Has the intense desire for change made us blind to the consequences of the change?

Is outrage and outrageous, the only way to be noticed any more?

Whatever happened to attention span?

Why is everyone so certain about everything?

Whatever happened to doubt and curiosity?

When did the memo for universal conformity arrive at my desk? 

On Uber..

Something horrific just happened.

And needless to say, the first available scapegoat has since been butchered. At worst, Uber could be guilty of carelessness, and taking shortcuts, but there’s no way, in a society that is supposedly just and “maximum governance”, that this incident would be dignified by a #UberShame hashtag.

I actually used Uber on Friday for the first time.. My experience was extremely positive, and the driver who was also using for the first time, also had only positive things to say. He was most amazed by the fact that the entire roll-in process was handled by 2 people.. It helped him that he was able to opt in and out whenever he was free, so it allowed him extra cash.. As a passenger, I had absolutely no issues, and the whole thing was really seamless.. Including a receipt, no cash transaction involved, no "price extortion" that I normally face when looking for a rickshaw in Pune..

In some quarters, I hear that Uber has itself to blame for its destiny. Maybe so, but I would argue that this is more a classic case of brand positioning and multinationals not understanding the core market dynamics..

In the US, Uber/Lyft/AirBNB etc benefit from "regulatory arbitrage".. Regular drivers have to go through a huge amount of certification and licensing requirements on a periodic basis. Being a cab driver, requires regular visits to the DMV and also periodic inspection of the vehicle. Uber (and Lyft) allow drivers to circumvent this by calling themselves independent contractors. The core benefit of Uber is to the driver, who doesn't need to go through rigorous regulatory oversight and can earn an income as well.

In India, the regulatory compulsions for cab drivers to go through rigorous licensing simply do not exist.. Anyone can go through the RTO to get a commercial license, and get registered as a driver. That's it!! The core benefit is to the passenger, in that he/she doesn't have to wait alone for a cab driver, nor go through ridiculous negotiation on the price. In-addition, the car is available on-call, and is rather cost effective (at least as long as private investors keep pumping $$ into Uber). I'd be willing to bet, that Uber will not succeed in Mumbai, where you have a rather systematic cab & rickshaw process where passengers don't need to go through the kind of hoops that those of us in Pune and other towns have to go through.

However, calling itself a cab company will get Uber into needless hassles, something Uber has no need, nor the business model to sustain. There's no way an Uber could/would or even should, get in the business of background checks, especially in a country where there is an entire ocean of individuals who go nameless in the system, with no way to know their identity, their background, and where, regardless of what the paid hacks at Times Now say, we remain innocent until proven guilty. All Uber can do is provide the guarantee to comply with the law and hand over all relevant evidence for speedy resolution. That the law takes so long to work it's way around, has more to do with the legal system than with Uber. 

Thus, the positioning of Uber has to be more like an online market place, which it actually is, one where it plays more the role of getting the two individuals together to meet a mutual need. The passenger understands that they're getting into a contract with the driver, and Uber acts as the intermediary. When it comes to issues related to criminal law, Uber has the technology to trace the driver in a jiffy (which is what happened in this case, the guy got caught inside 48 hours, in Mathura all because he had the Android GPS on in the car). Actually, let me rephrase that. Uber has the technology to trace the driver AND the passenger who have been the co-signees of this contract. (The potential of a psychopath passenger slashing the neck of the driver is equally likely). 

It could also point out, given the significant sample size and grossly underreported tragedy called marital rape in India, no one is blaming Shaadi.com.

The Argumentative Indian (in me)

I have not forgotten my new year's resolutions.

I have been meaning to write about so many things, it's just that I never got around to writing them, if you know what I mean. I have been busy, but really not so busy to avoid writing, just that I didn't allocate the time to do it. And so, what was supposed to be 1 post every day of the week, is now at latest count 4 posts in 6 months. Which is being charitable, since the 4 posts were there in the first 23 days of the year itself. Last 5 months and 7 days have been blank.

But then, I am not here to bore you with statistics of how often I write or should write. I know I should write, but to paraphrase Paul Simon, "If I could, yes I would". Nuff said.

So what got me out of this stupor?

2 things actually.

First was a spam post on this blog in Spanish or Portuguese or something. No bloody clue how it got there (there is still some chance that it will be back), but then it got there. Luckily D saw it early enough, and asked me about it, and I was able to delete it in time. But then it also left me with the feeling of someone crapping in my backyard without me knowing about it. And I don't like the thought of strangers crapping in my backyard (assuming I had one)

Secondly, I got to read a post last night about my favorite topic of the sole symbol of all that is wrong with this country, and that is the Times of India. I follow Thane Richard on Twitter, and he has excellent perspective on all that we're hyperventilating about, but then he's American and we Indians don't appreciate taking feedback you see. In some of his past posts, you can see the way he gets "ostracized" when he starts with his perspective on what's wrong with this country. (I wonder what his perspective on the other Indian darling, Mr. Modi is)

Anyway, I fully support Thane in his quest to boycott the Times of India !!! I would have asked you to support us in the cause as well (here), but then I am not the types who is a social mobilizer of outrage, and therefore it really is not my business whether you use it or not.

The Times of India, nay the entire Times Group, (a.k.a. The Bennett Coleman & Co. Ltd,) is the single most dangerous entity in this country today. It should be sent to the sin-bin before the Home Ministry does anything about the Naxals.

Long years ago, (on my first date actually) I saw a James Bond movie, where the villain was a media mogul who manufactured news to increase business. I dismissed it at as typical Bond movie hogwash, but thanks to the Times Group, I am now thinking maybe it was more of an indication of where things are headed.

And seriously, don't give me this freedom of the press bullshit.. If you really believe the Times is a constructive force and a conscience of this country, you probably also believe that this country is going to the dogs, ergo the conscience of this country is egging it on to the dogs, ergo I rest my case.

Phew.. 

So my pent up frustration about the Old Lady of Boribunder is now out.

My Outraged Indian avatar is now sated.

But there is another avatar inside me (among others).

The Practical Indian.

And this practical Indian believes  knows, that 6 people signing to a Causes  website to get a $1.5 billion behemoth to be sidelined, is beyond ridiculous. And that nothing is going to happen. And that moron Arnab is still going to holler on my behalf regardless of whether I have conveyed my grievance to him or whether I have asked him to represent him in airing my grievances or heck, even having a grievance in the first place. (From what I have seen, even if I did meet him, I doubt I'd get a chance to open my mouth to air my grievances)

There might be a chance, but it's about as big as a "dimple on the arse of an ant on the arse of the elephant". And even if with that minuscule a chance, we do succeed in ensuring that we have a boycott on the Times on a Gandhian scale, it's probably not going to make a difference. They've faked so much, that very likely they will fake circulation numbers (assuming they don't do so already). And then they'll still be number 1.

Which brings me to another Indian in me - the disappointed Indian.

Disappointed not with India per se, but with the absolute & stubborn refusal of people to see the obvious.

See, what is peddled in the Times, (and Times Now, and all their media entities) is what has been philosophically described as bullshit. I read a book (On Bullshit - Harry G. Frankfurt) and the description of Bullshit and the distinction from falsehood and truth is quite clear.

... bullshit either can be true or can be false; hence, the bullshitter is a man or a woman whose principal aim — when uttering or publishing bullshit — is to impress the listener and the reader with words that communicate an impression that something is being or has been done, words that are neither true nor false, and so obscure the facts of the matter being discussed; i.e. “the bullshitter is faking things, but that does not necessarily mean he gets them wrong.”

 In contrast, the liar must know the truth, of the matter under discussion, in order to better conceal it from the listener or the reader being deceived with a lie; while the bullshitter’s sole concern is personal advancement and advantage to his or her agenda;

Bullshit thus is a greater enemy of the truth than are lies..

- courtesy Wikipedia 

Now does this not align with how the Times treats us?

But even then, this is not what disappoints me. The Times group is free to peddle all the bullshit that it wants. People pay  for this crap (me included) for whatever reason. They have a right to sell us crap, and if we deem that crap to be worthy of the price we are asked to pay, pay we shall.

What's sad is this apparent role of being the voice of the country - and therefore by extension my voice. It is a sad indictment on this country, and the polity of this country that people assume the media to be the voice and therefore the representative of the country. Per process, it should be the political setup which should represent us, right? Isn't that what their job is? Be our voice to the powers that be? Ensure that we get basic human rights and all that? Basically, be our voice for all that is important to us?

If you haven't dozed off as yet, here's a little secret.. They do. Basically, it's how you define the term "us".

If by "us" you mean everyone that you interact with on a daily basis, your co-workers, your society people, your friends on Facebook and elsewhere, your secret crush, etc., then you being at the center of your universe, you may have a point about being sidelined and feeling like you don't have an outlet to voice out your frustrations.

But by "us", if you mean each and every single one of us Indians, irrespective of religion, age, caste, creed, sex, sexual preference, colour, regional location, then you will see that the political class represents pretty much the average of the various spheres.

It's just that you we are way out on the fringe.

And the day we realize this, tempers will be soothed a little bit

And the Times will go back to reporting the news, and not telling me how I feel about hearing the news.. 

Lies and Statistics...

"What makes me a blogger is the physical discomfort I get from knowing a terrible idea sits out there needing to be destroyed so badly" - Modeled Behavior


Or so it says on top of this page.

And I think there sits a terrible idea out there, which is waiting for me to destroy it “with great vengeance and furious anger”

However for the last month or so, I have been unable to articulate it enough. I briefly indicated what I wanted to post, as a follow-up to a previous post, but never really got the angst or the burden of the proof.

But something I saw this morning as I was surfing the net while sipping my morning coffee made me sit up and try to make another attempt at culling the sort of nonsense that gets peddled these days.

And that something was this FDI by state chart on the Financial Times “Beyond Brics” blog.

What’s so weird you ask?

Despite the annual road show that highlights the “Vibrant” nature of the state, despite the standard Google Ad Sense Advert that comes on my blog bestowing the strong leadership presence in the state, it looks like “industry friendly, dynamic, business minded (and whatever other nonsense you want to scope out)” Gujarat lies 6th in FDI invested over the last two years.

Surely something was wrong. I distinctly recall doing some research for my MBA Macroeconomics assignment, where there was an official site which said the state gets 22% of all investment in India. Heck, I even put it in my paper!!!

Sure enough, here it was..

In any case, a single chart does not signify reality, so I decided to do some more research, and landed on this analysis from Business World on India’s most competitive cities.

Published last week.

The most competitive city in Gujarat is Ahmedabad (not surprising) but ranked only 10th in all of India, behind at least 6 cities currently being misgoverned by UPA coalition partners. 10th is not bad, definitely, but somewhat like the disappointment you get when Indian Olympians end 10th in their events.

But then these are numbers which are only showing one element of the entire dynamic. What about the people of Gujarat? How are they performing? Surely they must be doing very well, given the dynamic leadership of their state government?

Voila!!! Google Zindabad.

There is a fabulous report released on Human Development Factors released last year. That can provide some guidance. . You can read it if you have some spare time. All 261 pages of it

Again, not bad, somewhat good, mostly distinctly average.

So what’s the point, here?

Seriously?? You still don’t get it???

Simply put, Is Narendra Modi - who my Facebook wall tells me is our saviour if there is a God above, and is the only one who truly deserves to rule  lead us come 2014 - all fart and no shit???

Standing on the shoulders of giants...

As a kid, I was an average sportsman. Not exceptional, but probably average enough to make the team if I really tried, and that’s about it. I was never the athletic type. I could play decent enough but I don’t think anyone from my school days, would swear that they remember a special talent called Chirag Panjikar. I don’t think even my mom would say that.


But I was a sports fan. A fanatic, is more like it. I knew the games, the rules, and downright anything that was related, the championship records, the scores, patterns, you name it. Forget Maradona, Becker or Gavaskar, I knew my Greg Louganis from my Greg LeMonds, and my Daley Thompsons from my Morten Frosts. I was that kind of a sports fan.

But that’s not the point.

Sports were serious business in my school. And boys who represented the school in sports were the closest thing we had to rock stars. The kind, who were the heroes of boys from the younger classes. (Riklin Cup, 1990-91: Vincents 4 – Loyola’s 1, I remember it like it was yesterday..) And there were boys, who were real good. The kind of caliber, that opposition school coaches planned about. We had the best coaching in town, the best facilities, (definitely the best school ground in Pune, even today), the best talent. Talent that won our school the Inter School championships, 50 years in a row (That record is still going on). Hockey, Football, Athletics, Tennis, Basketball, (everything but cricket), was something that we prided our wins. Kids from other schools were in such awe of the kind of facilities we had, that I’m sure every year, we had at least 2-3 wins out of the opposition giving up just because they were playing us. We would take newspaper clippings of the inter-school events, and put it on the notice boards.

I could name these kids, but the list would always be smaller than the actual set of heroes from my school. I don’t want my failing memories, of 20 years ago, being the reason for missing out on not naming the sports stars from my school days. Some I am in touch with, some I am not. They’re all well settled now. Some are doctors, Ph. Ds, software engineers, one is a lawyer in Singapore. One, I think is a stock broker. Couple of them are in the army, quite high up now.

Pretty much the gamut of professional achievement has been achieved by these guys

Everything except sports.

Not one.

Zero.

Zilch.

The best facilities, the best talent, the best possible set up for a school setting, and zero professional sportsmen.

That’s the reality of our 6 medals, and that's why it’s going to be a slow, painful climb to the top of the Olympic medal tally.

Forget 2016, I’d say 2024 or maybe 2032.

Because sports, like art, is not a chemical formula that can be achieved overnight (unless you’re the Chinese, but even there, there are some suspicions of chemical formulae being involved). Making a living out of sports is a lot of toil. It’s about living in the insecurity that you may never be able to provide for your family if you’re not good enough, and still thinking that it’s worth the risk.

And you cannot do it without heroes.

Heroes, role models, guiding lights, whatever. The kind, who have been in your shoes before, and who can guide you that everything will be all right in the end. For every Saina and Sushil Kumar, there is a Gopichand and a Satpal Maharaj, who briefly tasted success, but couldn’t sustain it. Who, knowing your insecurities, can convince you that they have seen the light, and that you have what it takes to touch that light.

Someone who knows, what it was that kept them from reaching the top, and who will guide you to that one missing ingredient.

Someone that a generation of Indians never had – a generation that is today spending their lives in air-conditioned offices as engineers, doctors, army men, lawyers, because that was easier than hitting their collective heads against a brick wall.

Someone that generations of Indians going forward will have for the rest of their lives.

Critique us.. Pity us.. Stupid us..

Has been a while since I wrote anything.. Anything worth reading actually.. the last few posts have been for want of a better word, pretty much crap.. the angry, frustrated tenor of the posts is not really me.. But I write for want of a better hobby, so you have to live with it, till I come up with something better… This post is just a general rambling of whatever is coming to my mind. I am writing just my thoughts. No guarantees whether this would come up anyway close to what I am capable of.

In that regard, I think I am pretty much like this country, and the people of this country. Capable of much more, but strangely producing drivel, just because we need to do something, so that people don’t think we’re dead. Scream so that people know we’re alive. Without screaming, everyone thinks you’re dead, and really we have enough dead around here. The situation is ripe for a satire of the most blistering kind, but I am afraid no one will quite understand the satire underneath it all.

It’s not like I am very frustrated with life. If anything, it’s quite the opposite. There is so much to be optimistic about, that my frustrations are directed generally towards the pessimists of the world. This apparent need to get worked up about everything is beyond my modest level of understanding of this world. I like my life leisurely, laidback if you will. It is quite beyond me to cry outrage at the drop of a hat. You could say that my parents taught me to trust people, and look at the brighter side of things. This conspiracy theory about everything and everyone is way beyond my league.

Take for example, this constant meme going on about how India is having a disappointing Olympic games, and how our system is to blame. How cricket rules everything, leading to disproportionate attitudes towards the rest of the sportsmen and women in this country. Maybe we are having a disappointing Olympic Games. Maybe we’re not. I really don’t know. What I do know is the same bunch of people who wrote/said that we’re going to win every bloody medal in sight and each of the 87 (or whatever) sports persons is going to come back with at least a bronze, are now saying that the team is having a disappointing Games. Truly, I didn’t know who the hell Deepika Kumari was, till I was told that she is the world’s best archer and is going to win and obliterate every known record in sight. No one told me that she is 17 years old. I know how I was when I was 17. If someone is ranked world number 1 at the age of 17, that’s a mighty fine achievement. Better than pretty much anyone in my family (before or after me) would achieve. Even if she doesn’t win the damn medal. For myself, I find it a very creditable achievement that I can change a diaper on a baby that is attempting wiggle away and turn towards the multi colored beach ball right behind, and I am TWICE her age!!!

It’s sports. A game. At the end of the day it nothing to do with winning and losing. All that nonsense about winning is everything is beyond me. Some win, some lose. Terming those who have lost as “losers” is stupid, especially when I am sitting on my couch watching an idiot box. It is very difficult for me to get worked up only because ESPN paid a billion dollars to broadcast the games. In that sense, the old days of DD National were so much better. Free to broadcast, with the most boring hosts and sets, and no advertisers, and zero incentive to attract the last set of eyeballs on the planet to eke out a profit.

What about patriotism, you say? What about all the pride and joy you get out of hearing the national anthem and the national flag? What about the chance to show what progress India has made in the field of sports? They are representing me and you and why on earth would you want the world to think that we suck at sports.

Hold that thought. Think about that for a second. They represent you and me. Now imagine yourself on a sports field. Imagine how things are going to turn out. Suddenly things seem crystal clear.

It is because they represent you and me that they never win at the Olympics!!!!

... Like a rolling stone...

HELP!!!

I need somebody, HELP!!
Not just anybody, HELP!!
You know I ....

Aww crap!!!!

That’s not what I wanted to write.. Or started to write about anyway..

I just wanted to write about how easily I get distracted and I need to get some help, keeping all the distractions at bay..

When I was younger, so much younger than today,
Never needed anybody’s help in any way..

Stop, Stop, STOP!!!

It’s just one thought after the other… If I ever could populate my thought bubbles in real time, like a comic book, I would be on a never ending loop.

I just started the post as HELP!!!, and then I hear John Lennon going all Help!!! in my head..

And then I go down that path, just following that trail..

I think I should be down with some kind of Adult ADHD or something..

Only, it is attention deficit for sure, definitely no hyperactivity, and I am certain some kind of disorder.

I think ADD is definitely a possibility.

Constant badgering makes me going after the biggest bling of information at the first opportunity..

Like a bloody Powerpoint presentation, that goes over everything in bullet points, and I keep going to the next slide wondering what fabulous tidbit of useless information am I going to be attracted to next..

Like a kid in a candy store or an addict desperate for his next high.

Too much information, very little application.

Everything force fed to me in packets that I am told are customized to give me everything I need to know,

You know it is ironic, that what I need to know is also told to me by the person providing me that information.

Like NDTV giving me a stupid cheat sheet for every random bit of faux outrage that it keeps trying to manufacture.

Aaarrrggghhhhhh!!!!!

Give me data, don’t give me your analysis. I really don’t care about your analysis or your opinions.

And I don’t care what others think about it either.

FYI, Data is plural for datum, not for anecdotes.

Just give me the friggin’ data, let me decide, and no one gets hurt.

Don’t tell me that by having 8% conviction rate, the state of Maharashtra is more lawless than Bihar or UP, or that having a 90+% conviction rate in the North East is something to be proud of.

Don’t tell me that every person charged, is automatically a convict.

Don’t tell me that just because you think a politician is involved, he is guilty...

Don't tell me everything going on is basically a gigantic conspiracy theory out to screw your happiness..

Don’t tell me that it’s not your fault, but someone else is responsible for the mess you’re in..

Relax
I'll need some information first
Just the basic facts
Can you show me where it hurts?

There is no pain you are receding
A distant ship's smoke on the horizon
You are only coming through in waves
Your lips move
But I can't hear what you're saying

Mental Masturbation - Or Khayali Pulao for a family audience..

A month and two days from today, this blog completes 8 years. By the count listed on the blogger dashboard, I have 442 posts completed, this being 443. 443 posts in 95 months is roughly 4 posts a month. I have strived to keep posting once a week, though for the last 8 weeks or so, have been ridiculously lazy. I wish I can blame someone, or something, but as always the fault lies not in my stars but in myself.

But that is not the point of this post. Since Blogger has started keeping track of the pageviews, this blog has also been viewed 14,650 times, which comes to about 150 (or so) times a month. Not bad since I could never have thought that people would want to read what I write. 150 a month, is not quite Andrew Sullivan category, but not bad I say.

Over the last 8 years, I have come to the realization that irrespective of whether you like to read this or not, I truly enjoy writing. But it takes testicular fortitude of an exceptional kind to write for a living – the kind that I only dream of right now. I tried briefly to have a Google Adsense account to track whether I could make a living out of this thing, but in 8 years, my total account accrual was $7.30 and even that I was not eligible for, since I don’t have a US address any more. But if I ever I start seeing more pageviews for this blog, (say maybe 100,000 a month), well you never know..

That said, the pageviews frequency has correlated closely with the frequency of writing. I have had months where I have reached about a thousand or so viewers. Even random people from Russia, Sweden and Argentina have viewed this blog. So there’s probably a lesson there. And (perfect) practice makes perfect. I could really do with some more writing practice.

But then, this is the age of instant gratification. An age of shortcuts. An age where the phrase “minor details” has gained prominence, and people (myself included) take the lift instead of the stairs. Teachers go through Google to set exam papers and students go through the same Google search to get answer keys. Given that I have the responsibilities of an employee, a dutiful husband, a doting father, a responsible son and brother, an MBA student, and a citizen of this world, I really don’t have the time to keep writing random crap that someone may or may not read in order to fulfill my dream of becoming a published author & minor celebrity with 1000 twitter followers. I need a tried and tested method for improving the pageview count so that this blog becomes popular enough to be listed in the celebrity pages. And what’s more, I don’t have time or money to enlist a management consultant, or a branding consultant or a PR representative, or an image management consultant, or whatever the hell people these days do to become popular.

So I am going to do something which I have anecdotal evidence that it works like a charm. This is something I have seen based on whatever websites I visit on the topic, and the PR machine is stupendous. Details are skipped when it comes to this tactic, and reading my Facebook wall is what is the one stop shop to remedying all that ails this country. I am using you, dear reader, as a guinea pig in my experiment to increase the viewership of this blog, that will help me in my selfish motive to become a celebrity. So here goes:

This country needs a strong, dynamic, vibrant, visionary leader like Narendra Modi, even if he is an egotistical, manipulative, insecure maniac.

….. to be continued..

 

Raging Bull*#&@

Sometime in the recent past, in the name of political correctness, targeted marketing, and never offending a potential customer, we stopped calling stupid idiots stupid, and started referring to them as bored thrill-seekers.

Right then, and right there, the world stopped becoming a better place.

Every day I see incidents which wouldn’t have happened 15 years ago, and after a lot of soul searching, the only reason I can think of, is that people stopped ridiculing idiots in public.

I mean, what do you say to the thousands who flocked to Marina Beach, Chennai to witness a “live tsunami”???

Here’s what I would say if someone told me to come see a tsunami in Chennai:

ARE YOU FRIGGIN’ MAD???? EVEN RAJANI CAN’T BEAT A FRIGGIN’ TSUNAMI, YOU DUMBASS!!!! IF YOU’RE GOING ANYWHERE, YOU NEED TO RUN TOWARDS KERALA, NOT TOWARDS THE BLOODY BEACH, YOU STUPID EXCUSE FOR A HUMAN!!! YOU THINK IT’S A FRIGGIN’ IPL MATCH, YOU BLOOMING IDIOT??? THIS IS NO WHISTLE POODU MOMENT, DAMMIT, RUN FOR YOUR BLOODY LIFE!!!

And then I would have politely declined the invitation.

But, that’s beside the point.

The point is, when “Idiot does as Idiot is” (to paraphrase Forrest Gump), it is our moral duty to call them that.

And then do to them exactly what their act deserves

In public.

So the next time someone is running a red light or driving on the wrong side of the road, I say mow the bastard down

After you call him / her an idiot, of course!!!

And if you hear Aaj Tak or Times Now faking enthusiasm for something that really doesn’t matter like Bilawal Bhutto’s tweets, swear at Arnab, call him an idiot and then switch off the TV.

It's what they deserve!!!!

Cult Classic - Finding My Religion..

Considering Wikipedia calls it a “pejorative term for a group whose beliefs or practices are considered abnormal or bizarre”, I think I should start a cult.


Because, I have realized that most of my beliefs are what normal people would call bizarre, and therefore one could argue that they are also abnormal.


Here’s what followers of my cult would believe

• God exists. That much we know. In what form, shape and quantity, that we don’t know.


• We don’t plan on knowing either.


• We just need someone to put the blame on, when we don’t know the cause for something that we know happened.


• Almost everything we know about God till now, we suspect we are wrong.


• We don’t believe that humans are children of this God. We have strong reasons to believe that humans are children of other humans.


• However, we do believe all humans are equal. Not in the eyes of God, but in our eyes.


• We don’t believe in any laws which prevent humans from doing what they would like to do, as long as they don’t harm other humans. For instance, laws and processes that prevent humans from freely moving from one place to another are work of the Devil.


• In fact, we hate Visas so much, we prefer MasterCard


• That was just a figure of speech. We don’t know if there is a Devil. We’ve never seen any Devil, plus in our model, we blame God for everything good or bad, so the Devil is somewhat inconsequential.


• We believe that there are only three aspects in life which are true. Art, Science and Emotions. The rest is just noise.


• Our definition of these goes something like this:

• Science: Anything we experience that can be replicated


• Art: Anything that we experience that cannot be replicated


• Emotions: the human response we experience when faced with an instance of Art or Science

• Things like success, failure, fame, fortune, etc. don’t matter much. We’re still not sure if these are a part of science or art. We do know these affect our emotions, so we know that these are either art or science, probably both.


• Since we are a cult, we’re bound to believe that the World will come to an end. But what sets us apart, is that it doesn’t matter to us when the world comes to an end.


• We don’t know if there is a heaven or a hell. That’s a can we prefer to kick down the road. We’ll find out when the world comes to an end, or we come to an end, whichever is first.


• Based on our experience, humans really have no clue about anything. We believe we are human. Therefore, what you read above, are actually our best guesses about what we believe in.


• Whether you agree or disagree, it’s your choice. We don’t have the enthusiasm or outrage to prove to you anything.

Actually the cult is already formed.


But my problem is what to call it??

Looking London, Talking Tokyo...

So by now we all know that Salman Rushdie will be addressing the Jaipur Lit Fest through a video uplink which will be thoroughly vetted by censors for inappropriate mentions of banned utterances. He was going to attend in person, but he now has some threat to his life, true or otherwise, and so our man is forced to present like he is giving a job interview in a neighborhood Reliance Web World.

Death of Free Speech, I hear you say?

Well, Free Speech was never alive in the first place, but anyway, that's not the point of this post.  

The organizers could very well have saved the entire embarrassment to everyone concerned, if only they had organized the festival after March 3, 2012.

Eh???

Nothing to do with any astrological misalignment, of any kind.

You see, the entire brouhaha about Salman Rushdie, has nothing to do with him, his book, his speech, or anything like that, and has everything to do with the elections in our great state of Uttar Pradesh.

You do know that the Congress is in tough battle with the Samajwadi Party (at least in their minds) for the so-called "Muslim" vote there, don't you? Outlook tells me from a few weeks ago, that most of the population would vote for whomever the village imam sahib would tell them to vote for. The Muslim vote would define the power brokers in Uttar Pradesh, a crowning moment for Rahul Gandhi to gain ascendancy into an eventual prime ministerial berth.

Put it another way, not a single participant, author, reader, fan, organizer, journalist, or Reliance Web World operator is going to vote in Uttar Pradesh come February. Do you seriously believe that, with so much at stake, by inviting the one man in this world who is associated with blasphemy against the Prophet (PBUH), a Congress chief minister would risk giving the SP so much of an advantage?

So I ask you again,

Death of Free Speech??

Or

A Vibrant Democracy??

The Eternal Sunshine of a Curious Mind..

I mean, do you really really care whether they figured out the Higgs Boson the other day?? Here's some research I would rather have someone do:

 

-          How many traffic accidents are caused by idiots on the road with earplugs in both ears blaring music?

-          How much water is used, when having a shower when compared with a bucket bath?

-          On the same lines, what are the efficiency losses of a shower versus a bucket bath,(temperature and volume)?

-          If my phone can have a radio, and the internet, why can't my car stereo, so that I can play live internet radio instead of Radio Mirchi and the like? With a 3G enabled SIM, that should be possible, yeah?

-          If mosquitoes breed in still water, then why don't we introduce genetically modified, sterilized mosquitoes in our taps?

-          Why is it that I am in the same trouble if I run over a sober pedestrian when I am drunk, and a drunk pedestrian when I am sober?

-          If Teflon is non-stick, then why don't they coat toilet bowls with some, instead of peddling Harpic?

-          Why is Christmas the same day of the year, but Easter date is floating? If they knew the day Jesus was born, couldn't they also record his passing?

-          If you can have battery operated inverters, why can't you have battery operated microwaves so that we can use them even when the power is out?

-          Who defines what constitutes the middle class? Surely, everyone I know CANNOT be the "middle class" that they say they are, can they?

-     If so, more to the point, where do I stand?

No offence, but why you so angry???

Someone I know, and respect a lot, sent me this article 

I read this article, and also some of the others that have been forwarded to me from the same blog in the past. And the one recurring theme in these articles has been how the media are crooks. This is related to stuff I have been writing in the past, though with a slight difference. And I just wanted to make the situation and distinction clear.

Unfortunately, for modern India, it is the Congress that is the standard ruler. Like it or not, all political parties in modern India, are born out of an opposition to the Congress. The Jan Sangh, probably for some time defied that rule and went more on principle, but the BJP of today, is more an anti-Congress party rather than a pro-principle party. The principle that the Congress was built on - independence from the British - is so antiquated, that in a few years from now, the youngest freedom fighter for India's independence should logically be about 75 years old, and most likely has defected from the Congress already. None of the core values that any of the parties were set up for, in any case, has anything to do with the development of the country.

But they're still in power, and have been so for all except a few occasions. Let's face it, if the country really didn't want the Congress to rule, it had 15 chances in the Lok Sabha to ensure that. By my count, only on 5 occasions has it done so (Morarji '78, VP Singh '89, Deve Gowda/Gujral, Vajpayee '98, Vajpayee '99). A score of 10-5 is a score I would take that the country really likes the democratic monarchy concept. Even on the 5 times we kicked them out, 4 times out they got the largest vote percentage as a single party.

What does that tell someone?

In most of the cases, my challenge has been to sift through the media and identify articles without a hidden motive behind them. Yet, it's one thing to call media as "puppets in the hands of unseen masters", it's quite another to term them as crooks. That Rahul Gandhi is following a template set by his grandmother, (and subsequently followed by his father) is obvious. However, it's not worth getting so angry on Rahul Gandhi or even the media. They are doing what (in their opinion) is in their best interests. What hurts me more, is that the phoneyness in the entire exercise that seems so obvious to me, doesn't seem that obvious to others.

Which could also mean that it is my interpretation that is wrong. If I am the only one seeing this facade, then maybe it isn't a facade, and what Rahul Gandhi (and his caravan) are doing is really what people like. The king, the benevolent ruler, showers goodies on the "praja" and they are happy with their lives, and the king is free to do as he pleases..  He is the King, after all!!!

Maybe people do like this kind of mollycoddling, after all.. Could it be that people expect Government to be
like a benevolent king? Their mental image of the leader of a country, seems more like a "kind" ruler, rather than one of us. Stories of leadership told to us are Lord Rama, Vikramaditya, Shivaji, Tipu Sultan, Akbar etc. - all kings with no known oppostion, or even a known history of tolerating dissent (probably Akbar, but even then there is no history of anyone surviving a dissenting opinion with him). We don't have a history of the knowing the truth. What we have had, consistently through history has been a set of smoke and mirrors which we assume as "Rajdharma".. You look at Anna Hazare's movement for example, and all you will see are cases where the expectation from his group has been following this Rajdharma.. He has no qualms thrashing drunks, and forced sterilization if you have more than 2 kids, where the final word is that of a one man prosecutor, judge and jury.

On other fronts, I would be very interested to see how the "Maryada Purushottam" would have responded to breaking news that he sent his wife into exile.

Which begs the question, why is it that they do this? Are they evil people, who have pure evil on their minds?

Or could it be that they're doing this, for no other reason, than it is bloody effective..

Fool me once, shame on you..

Fool me twice, shame on me..

The story thus far...

12,145 days into the journey, realization dawns that my only possible entry to Masterchef would be a glass of Bournvita for my daughter. And hence the need for some stock taking, divided into four major categories.

Things I should do, and could do, but don't
 - Invest my money (let alone wisely). I like it in my bank. Helps me stay honest.
 - Keep in touch more with people. I think I am better than many, but that's no consolation. The blame goes in equal parts to ego and laziness.
 - Learn how to cook for my kids and wife.The first statement pretty much sums up my culinary abilities. Part of it is because I need to...
 - Learn how to stay focused. Most of the time I have a plethora of thoughts running through my head. Very tough to think straight. Which is one of the reason, I have not been able to...
 - Write a book. I have a story, in my head. It's not in your hands yet, and the only one to blame is me.
 -  Listen to my wife a bit more. Especially when it comes to anything that can save me a few rupees (like haggling with fruit vendors). Even otherwise, I think I should listen to the wife a bit more. Make that quite a lot more.
 - Lose weight. Big Time.. Know pain, no gain!!!
 - Be a little bit more bothered about stuff. Patriotism, Cricket, Art, Movies, Politics, Corruption. I feel like Teflon at times. In some quarters, you would say, I need to show more "passion", but since I don't quite know what it means, I don't know how to show it more.

Things I do, that I (probably) shouldn't
- Secretly wish that the jerk who cut me off and is zipping through traffic on his bike like a slalom skier, falls off the bike. Same goes for the hypocrite who wears religious attire and runs his bike through a no-entry on M.G. Road, simply because there's no cop to catch him.
- Dig my nose. It's embarrassing, I know. But compared to some of the other addictions around, I say it's rather harmless.
- Think that most people are not out to screw me. Which is why I cannot fathom why my morning newspaper seems to go out of its way to suggest that people are out to screw me.
- Consider spelling mistakes a personal affront to a reader on part of the writer. Don't know why, but I do. Sue me!!!
- Feel jealous when someone does well. Sucks to be me at the time. But, I think it is for a reason.

Things I like to do, and could do 24/7, especially if given some encouragement
- Surf the internet. Not for Facebook or Twitter or anything like that. But mostly for interesting stuff happening all over the world, trying to increase my knowledge.
- Read. I read the old paper wrapping from the bhel puri parcel, if it is in a language I can read.
- Write this blog. If you want me to write 24/7, you guys need to follow this more frequently, and click like crazy on all the ads that you see on this blog. That way, Google pays me, and then I don't need to work for dinner.
- Watch people smile. It just gives me a kick.
- Have music playing in the background. Reminds me of my childhood, when the radio played during all waking hours.

Things I don't like to do, and wouldn't touch with a light pole if I had an option, but have to do. 
 - Fake enthusiasm. Biggest problem with me, I can only market stuff I am truly enthusiastic about.
 - Performance reviews. Most of you know why.
 - Have an opinion. I hate opinions, more than I hate faking enthusiasm..
 - Talk about myself, especially to impress other people.

I'm quite sure there's more stuff, but I'm starting to listen more to my wife, and therefore stopping all this non-sense, and doing something more worthwhile and putting the kids to sleep :)

Maybe it's just me..

But..

.. Corruption is not the biggest issue concerning India. We have been corrupt for years together. Kings and princes gave the country to the British, in order to retain their riches. Judas did it for 30 pieces of silver. Corruption has been going on for so friggin' long that we know how to deal with it. The numbers are higher today, because the payoffs are higher. The Bofors scam cost the government 160 crore extra, with 21 crore kickbacks. Bloody rounding error compared to the 2G scam.

.. Forget policy paralysis, forget election fervor, forget democracy or the lack of it.. The biggest issue concerning India today, is the inability of people (myself included) to think for themselves. Outsourcing of responsibility has reached such levels that even responsibility of thought has been outsourced to news channels.. Time has always been 24 hours in a day. Ever since the Big Bang exploded. Don't tell me you don't have time to think.

.. Speaking of democracy, and how everyone keeps harping about why we're no longer a democracy because we are not free to write anything on Facebook. Well, young man, we never were a democracy in the first place. I don't like Sibal telling me what to post, just as much as I don't like Advani telling me to have beef without cow slaughter. But hey, republican democracy is a collective agreement that we will follow the rules we set for ourselves, which by the way includes holding elections for our representatives. Democracy is not equal to freedom to do anything you wish. That, by my memory, is anarchy. I don't like anarchy. You are free to like it if you wish. Just don't do it here.

.. Which is also why, much as I hate Rahul Gandhi getting prime position to take this country to its doom just because his mom was lucky enough to wait at his dad's table in University, it really doesn't do me any good by ranting at him (Rahul, not Rajiv, who is dead, bless his soul). If we were a true democracy, let alone Rahul Gandhi, but his dad, uncle, aunt, and grandmother would never have come to prominence. But they did. Just as Uddhav Thakeray, Ajit Pawar, Supriya Sule, Chandra Babu Naidu, the entire Scindia parivar, M.K. Stalin, heck, even Jayalalitha did. Some have some merit, some don't, but they did come to prominence because their relatives. And it's not that they wanted to be in that prominence. We've never really moved on from monarchial patronage. If you keep the King happy, you can do whatever you want. So, if the King dies, it makes sense to have someone from his family take his place, so that you can continue your shenanigans. If you get someone new in his place, he will find out your deeds. In return the King has to ensure that his subjects are happy, and leading a prosperous life. Patronage flows at the lowest common denominator. Mahadev Babar's son is going to be the next candidate from Kondhwa PMC ward. I know that, not for any other reason, but that he has a son. Three of them. His seat is vacant, so he's going to get one for his son. If he dies (God forbid, he's a good person), his son will contest the MLA elections. Simple as that. So that's what we are. A democratic monarchy.

.. But why freak out at politicians alone? We have a Jackky Bhagnani and a Hrithik Roshan. Take out Shah Rukh Khan and Akshay Kumar, and every single Bollywood hero that I know of, is there because of his contacts. We have Arjun Tendulkar getting a chance to bowl to Rohit Sharma in the nets. Parents name their kids Mukesh, for Ambani and not the singer, simply because Dhirubhai was a visionary.. It happens, it happens every where.. Live with it.

..  And I hope he never gets his 100th 100. I don't give a damn. What I DO give a damn about, is that we keep losing Test matches. AND FOR GOD'S SAKES, STOP CALLING HIM GOD!!!! You're pretty much associating Sachin with someone who will send you to eternal Hell, because you didn't do as He told you.. God subjects his subjects to tough love like malnutrition and female infanticide. Coming back to SRT, 99 centuries has a good enough ring to it and a conversation piece for a lifetime. If he gets to 100, all we'll say is he was a great player. But we do that already..

.. I don't give a shit when Saif marries Kareena. All I curious about, is if she takes up the "Khan" surname, and whether she converts to Islam. Truly, it's none of my business, but the highest paid Hindu actress in a Hindu majority country converting to Islam for love of someone 15 years her senior, would be a big story, no? Would do wonders for communal harmony. Especially if she takes to the hijaab and wears those fashionable plastic red and white bangles inside. One thing I know for sure, she would have some hot shot designer design her veils..

.. Speaking of which, given the age gap, and the fact that he's a Nawab, would Kareena be a trophy wife??

.. I wonder why we don't make more out of the Bollywood personal lives. I mean, 4 top actors (Shah Rukh Khan, Aamir (twice), Saif (one and a half) and Hrithik Roshan) have married outside their religion. Which is good. It's funny how we enjoy their lives vicariously, having them as role models for what they do on a cinema screen, and not follow their real life good deeds. I also don't understand why these people don't come out in public and say that to them, all this doesn't matter.

.. We're so reluctant to speak about the things that actually bite us in the bum. We keep clinging on to our world view, with no thoughts for how things keep changing.. We're nothing that we say we are, we're everything we say we're not..

That's not just India, everyone..

There, I said it.

Happy New Year, everyone

Somewhere along the line..

... savings went from money in your bank, to getting 30% off in a year end clearance sale..

... we went from 30 minute news telling 24 hours worth of stuff, to 24 hours news giving us 30 minutes of worth..

.. pushtaini jaaydaad became monthly EMI

.. Shahrukh Khan became a bigger star than Amitabh Bachchan, making crappier movies..

.. cricket matches went from simple bat vs. ball, to cries of war..

.. we went from expecting rewards when doing right, to avoiding getting caught when doing wrong....

.. I went from a human being, to a human resource