Saturday, June 28, 2008

There are jobs.. and there are careers..

Not everyone who has a job has a career... Not everyone who has a career has a job..

In a job, the money is important.. In a career, money is probably the last thing on your mind..

Folks with a job, tend to do it because everyone is doing a job.. Folks with a career pretty much do what they feel like..

You could have 30 jobs in your life and not have a career.... You could have no job in your life and have a career

Many CEOs have jobs
Many beggars have careers

There always is a job market.. There almost never is a career market..

A job is almost always based on your past experience. Nothing of that sort is required in a career

Folks with jobs are almost always looking forward to Sunday.. Folks with careers tend to bother more about the work at hand..

Monday morning blues are strictly for people with jobs. Folks with careers don't really care

Engineers primarily have jobs, however a majority act like they have careers..
Doctors primarily have careers, however a majority act like they have jobs..

If you think you have a career, you probably just have a job..
If you really don't care, you probably have just got yourself a career..

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

RIP George Carlin

One of my favourite stand-up comedians, would never stand for bull-shit died on Sunday. He's most known for his "Seven Things you can never say on television" monologue, but since that is not really applicable in India (we do use a lot of those words on TV), posting one of his next best monologues as a tribute
When it comes to bullshit, big-time, major league bullshit, you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims, religion. No contest. No contest. Religion. Religion easily has the greatest bullshit story ever told. Think about it. Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever 'til the end of time!
But He loves you. He loves you, and He needs money! He always needs money! He's all-powerful, all-perfect, all-knowing, and all-wise, somehow just can't handle money! Religion takes in billions of dollars, they pay no taxes, and they always need a little more. Now, you talk about a good bullshit story. Holy Shit!
But I want you to know something, this is sincere, I want you to know, when it comes to believing in God, I really tried. I really, really tried. I tried to believe that there is a God, who created each of us in His own image and likeness, loves us very much, and keeps a close eye on things. I really tried to believe that, but I gotta tell you, the longer you live, the more you look around, the more you realize, something is fucked up.
Something is wrong here. War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, torture, crime, corruption, and the Ice Capades. Something is definitely wrong. This is not good work. If this is the best God can do, I am not impressed. Results like these do not belong on the résumé of a Supreme Being. This is the kind of shit you'd expect from an office temp with a bad attitude. And just between you and me, in any decently-run universe, this guy would've been out on his all-powerful ass a long time ago. And by the way, I say "this guy", because I firmly believe, looking at these results, that if there is a God, it has to be a man.
No woman could or would ever fuck things up like this. So, if there is a God, I think most reasonable people might agree that he's at least incompetent, and maybe, just maybe, doesn't give a shit. Doesn't give a shit, which I admire in a person, and which would explain a lot of these bad results.
So rather than be just another mindless religious robot, mindlessly and aimlessly and blindly believing that all of this is in the hands of some spooky incompetent father figure who doesn't give a shit, I decided to look around for something else to worship. Something I could really count on.
And immediately, I thought of the sun. Happened like that. Overnight I became a sun-worshipper. Well, not overnight, you can't see the sun at night. But first thing the next morning, I became a sun-worshipper. Several reasons. First of all, I can see the sun, okay? Unlike some other gods I could mention, I can actually see the sun. I'm big on that. If I can see something, I don't know, it kind of helps the credibility along, you know? So everyday I can see the sun, as it gives me everything I need; heat, light, food, flowers in the park, reflections on the lake, an occasional skin cancer, but hey. At least there are no crucifixions, and we're not setting people on fire simply because they don't agree with us.
Sun worship is fairly simple. There's no mystery, no miracles, no pageantry, no one asks for money, there are no songs to learn, and we don't have a special building where we all gather once a week to compare clothing. And the best thing about the sun, it never tells me I'm unworthy. Doesn't tell me I'm a bad person who needs to be saved. Hasn't said an unkind word. Treats me fine. So, I worship the sun. But, I don't pray to the sun. Know why? I wouldn't presume on our friendship. It's not polite.
I've often thought people treat God rather rudely, don't you? Asking trillions and trillions of prayers every day. Asking and pleading and begging for favors. Do this, gimme that, I need a new car, I want a better job. And most of this praying takes place on Sunday His day off. It's not nice. And it's no way to treat a friend.
But people do pray, and they pray for a lot of different things, you know, your sister needs an operation on her crotch, your brother was arrested for defecating in a mall. But most of all, you'd really like to fuck that hot little redhead down at the convenience store. You know, the one with the eyepatch and the clubfoot? Can you pray for that? I think you'd have to. And I say, fine. Pray for anything you want. Pray for anything, but what about the Divine Plan?
Remember that? The Divine Plan. Long time ago, God made a Divine Plan. Gave it a lot of thought, decided it was a good plan, put it into practice. And for billions and billions of years, the Divine Plan has been doing just fine. Now, you come along, and pray for something. Well suppose the thing you want isn't in God's Divine Plan? What do you want Him to do? Change His plan? Just for you? Doesn't it seem a little arrogant? It's a Divine Plan. What's the use of being God if every run-down shmuck with a two-dollar prayerbook can come along and fuck up Your Plan?
And here's something else, another problem you might have: Suppose your prayers aren't answered. What do you say? "Well, it's God's will." "Thy Will Be Done." Fine, but if it's God's will, and He's going to do what He wants to anyway, why the fuck bother praying in the first place? Seems like a big waste of time to me! Couldn't you just skip the praying part and go right to His Will? It's all very confusing.
So to get around a lot of this, I decided to worship the sun. But, as I said, I don't pray to the sun. You know who I pray to? Joe Pesci. Two reasons: First of all, I think he's a good actor, okay? To me, that counts. Second, he looks like a guy who can get things done. Joe Pesci doesn't fuck around. In fact, Joe Pesci came through on a couple of things that God was having trouble with.
For years I asked God to do something about my noisy neighbor with the barking dog, Joe Pesci straightened that cocksucker out with one visit. It's amazing what you can accomplish with a simple baseball bat.
So I've been praying to Joe for about a year now. And I noticed something. I noticed that all the prayers I used to offer to God, and all the prayers I now offer to Joe Pesci, are being answered at about the same 50% rate. Half the time I get what I want, half the time I don't. Same as God, 50-50. Same as the four-leaf clover and the horseshoe, the wishing well and the rabbit's foot, same as the Mojo Man, same as the Voodoo Lady who tells you your fortune by squeezing the goat's testicles, it's all the same: 50-50. So just pick your superstition, sit back, make a wish, and enjoy yourself.
And for those of you who look to The Bible for moral lessons and literary qualities, I might suggest a couple of other stories for you. You might want to look at the Three Little Pigs, that's a good one. Has a nice happy ending, I'm sure you'll like that. Then there's Little Red Riding Hood, although it does have that X-rated part where the Big Bad Wolf actually eats the grandmother. Which I didn't care for, by the way. And finally, I've always drawn a great deal of moral comfort from Humpty Dumpty. The part I like the best? "All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty back together again." That's because there is no Humpty Dumpty, and there is no God. None, not one, no God, never was.
In fact, I'm gonna put it this way. If there is a God, may he strike this audience dead! See? Nothing happened. Nothing happened? Everybody's okay? All right, tell you what, I'll raise the stakes a little bit. If there is a God, may he strike me dead. See? Nothing happened, oh, wait, I've got a little cramp in my leg. And my balls hurt. Plus, I'm blind. I'm blind, oh, now I'm okay again, must have been Joe Pesci, huh? God Bless Joe Pesci. Thank you all very much. Joe Bless You!

Friday, June 20, 2008

Ray Mali for a day

Who's he you ask?

Even though Sharad Pawar acts as if he is the power in the ICC, Raymond Mali is the President. The Acting President, that everyone seems to forget. He's so unknown, that his middle name is (seriously.. no jokes) Remember!! Anyway, this post is not about Raymond Remember Mali, but rather what I would do if I were to be the ICC president for a day.

So, here goes.

1a. Rule that the States/Provinces have no business running cricket teams. The IPL has shown that privately run teams seem to have a lot more incentive to make money, and so make cricket that much more fun to watch. I can bet there were more people in a single Kolkata Knight Riders game at the Eden Gardens, than there were for the entire home season combined of the Bengal Ranji team. Thus, the domestic game would completely be run by franchises. Each domestic season (all 11 test playing countries) would be between 15 - 20 weeks. All domestic first class games would begin on the Tuesday, and be 4-day affairs, till the Friday. The Sunday would be reserved for the 20-20 game between the two teams. Something like the NFL, all the 20-20 games would be televised on national TV. Assuming you have 8 teams per domestic circuit, by breaking them into two groups of 4, you can conduct the entire home-away business within 15 weeks, with 3 weeks for the first class knock-outs (2 semis, 1 final) and 1 week for the 20-20 knockouts. Foreign players can be traded (so, Mumbai Indians could trade Luke Ronchi from the WA Bushrangers or Ishant Sharma could play for the Sussex Lions) and will be with the team throughout. However, there would have to be a limit on the number of foreign players on the playing XI. (The IPL is again our savior in this regard). Thus, you can have your IPL, APL, EPL, SLPL, PPL, NZPL, or whatever the hell you want to call it. The English have the Premiership, the Spanish have the La Liga. That didn't stop Beckham from playing for Real Madrid. Can work for football, can work for cricket.

1b. A player can play for only one club in the world. Each top level team would have it's own minor league affiliations, which would also follow a similar schedule. Might even be a good idea to break countries into 4 zones, and each zone would have a minor league team from the premier league. The Minor leagues would be a great way of supplying good talent and also allow players returning from injury practice.

2. Announce that the 2011 World cup final would be the last one-dayer ever to be played. With 20-20 being such a success, 50-50 is not going to be such fun. India beat Pakistan recently by 140 runs, and a guy named Simao was on the Times Sports page above Dhoni. Nuff Said. There's too much cricket with ODI's in the picture. Remove those, and you get 30 days a year to actually rest.

3. Announce that Countries will only play Test Cricket. No point in having Australia play India for a 20-20 if we can have the real cricket being played. Thus, tours can be spaced a bit better. Each test series would be 4 tests played over 5-6 weeks. Tests would always start on the Thursday, ending on the Monday. Much as I would like to see the Boxing Day test at the MCG, it's not really practical any more. Each country would play 4 series a year. 2 Home/2 Away. That's roughly 22 weeks of the year if you count that every visiting team would also require a week to settle in. If the free market in #1 is followed, you won't need much settling in any way. When India tours NZ, it could have some players who play day-in day out in NZ. Needless to say, the rule that you have to play in your domestic circuit to play for the country, would have to be tossed as well. If you were to break the teams into two divisions, you can also end up with each team playing every other team in it's division in a year. So we can also have a yearly championship at the end. The bottom team from the top division gets relegated, and the top team from the second division gets promoted.

4. Have a World 20-20 cup once every year in September in South Africa. This could be either club based or country based, doesn't really matter.

5. BAN ZIMBABWE. I really don't understand why they are still a test nation. Enough of politics, they're quite bad.

There.. It's been on my mind for a long time. Spewed it all out.. Would love to hear from anyone who bothers to read this what they think about it all.

B for Mumbai??

श्री राज ठाकरे साहेब,

वि वि

आपणास सांगण्यास अत्यंत दःख होत आहे पण तुमचा मराठी बाणा काही मला पटत नाही। जग आज लोकांचा राष्ट्र विचारत नाहित आणि तुम्ही मात्र महाराष्ट्र घेउन बसला आहात। तुमचा नेमका मुद्दा काय आहे, हेच मला कळत नाही

महाराष्ट्र महान आहे म्हणून बाहेरून लोक इथे येतात, असं जर तुम्हाला वाटत असेल, तर ह्या हून मोठी चूक तुम्ही करुच शकत नाही

लोकं इथे येतात म्हणून महाराष्ट्र महान आहे

आपला विनम्र,
चिराग पंजीकार

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Do your bit for a world record

Download Firefox (version 3) today. And do your bit to be part of a world record.


Monday, June 09, 2008

Revenge of the Eye

Serves me right to ridicule the eye of evil.. He has struck big time.. Hit me on
the eye (how ironic!!) with conjuctivitis..

Sunday, June 08, 2008

Yello Card

MS Word provides the capability to check your spellings. A very nice tool indeed, to make sure that you don't make silly spelling errors..

Here's why newspapers copy writers should never use it..

Added points for getting all the misspelled names right.. Have tried to bold those that I could catch

The tournament every football fan has been waiting for is about to start. Euro 2008 kicks off in Basel with Switzerland playing the Czech Republic and Portugal taking on Turkey in Geneva. It’s a Championship that features World Cup champions Italy, finalists France, and semifinalists Portugal and Germany, along with Spain, Holland, Croatia, and Euro title holders Greece.

Two teams advance from each group. In group A, I favour Portugal and Czech Republic to advance. A team such as Portugal, finalists at the last European championship brings an incredible array of talent to this tournament.

Christiano Ronaldo, the best player in the world, fresh from his champions league victory, is hungry to bring Portugal its first major title in years. He is joined by experienced players such as Deco, Ricardo Caravels, and young superstar Quirking.

Coached by Big Phil Scowler, I see them as one of the favourite to bring the cup home.

Chelsea goalkeeper Petr Cache leads the Czech Republic with stars such as Jingliest, Rescues of Arsenal, Usefully of Frontiers, and Regional of Newcastle United and strikers Boars and Jan Keillor of Nuremberg.

Switzerland brings the crowd and striker Alexander Fire of Brouhahas Dortmund. Turkey had an up and down qualifier, beating Greece in Greece and tying little Malta. Look out for Tunics Snail, popular fan favourite with Middleweights, and veteran Hagan Sucre up front.

In group B, Germany emerges as the clear favourite along with Croatia. Germany features its Chelsea captain, Michael Blacks, recovered from his long injury, and in splendid form.

Strikers Poodles and Kelci are from the same team that did so well at the world cup. Germany are the bookmaker’s favourite to win the Euro 2008 and are coached by unknown Joachim Low, assistant to Klansman.

Poodles scored 8 goals in the qualifiers and could be the top goal scorer of this tournament.

Croatia brings 23 year old Superstar Liuka Metric, recently sold to Arsenal, a genius with great vision of the game. Niko Kirinyaga leads the midfield at Portsmouth and they have experienced strikers in Blabbing and Pietrek of Brouhahas Dortmund. Any team that can defeat England 3-2 at Wombles can go through to the quarters.

Co-host team Austria features Andreas Iffinesses, midfielder for Pontianak, and Roland Linzy, centre forward at Sporting Bragg, but they are weak in experience and substance. Poland features Massage Zeroes (I GIVE UP!!!) as striker and Artur Bloc as goalkeeper, both who play for Celtic. Darius Dudes is also a talented player to watch.

However neither Austria nor Poland has the firepower to match Germany and Croatia.

Group C is known as the Group of Death. It features world cup champions Italy, finalists France, superpower Holland and Romaine. This is the hardest group to call but I must go with Italy and France.

Italy has suffered a huge loss in the injury to captain Conniver.

However experienced World cup champions such as goalie Buffoon, Andrea Peril, and Barney striker Luca Toni should insure their safe passage to the second round. France offers arguably the best young talent in the tournament with Karim Benzene of Lyon and Nasser of Marseilles, alongside stars such as Franck Ribber, Their Henry, Lillian Thorium and Nicolas Analog, and will go far.

Holland has phenomenal players such as Van der Saar, Shiniest, Starves, Van Newsdealer, Van Praise, and Arjuna Ribbon. However their defence is suspect and will be open to the Italian and French counter attacks. Romaine has Frontiers striker Adrian Mute and Inter Defender Christian Chive, but it fell into an unfortunate group.

The final Group D features Euro champions Greece, perennial underachievers Spain, Russia and Sweden. Spain is the clear favourite in this group with El Ninon, Fernando Torres’ scourge of the English premiership at Liverpool, Case Fabergé, Carlos Payola, Xiv and Xciv Alonso. One can only hope that Spain will choose this tournament to reveal its full potential at last. Greece is a solid, well-coached team, and I think will show that its win in 2004 was not a fluke.

Angelou Basins leads the midfield, and Chariest is a talented striker. The defences is big and solid with Dallies, Kerbside and Strides. Coach Otto Regalia made a miracle at Euro 2004 but I fear lightening only strikes once for Greece.

Sweden features a world talent in Zlatan Ibrahimovic and Captain Fredrik Ljungberg. I saw them train in Lugano and they looked ready. Russia sneaked into this Euro over England, and presents a competent if not exciting team with Aleksandr Kerzhakov, striker at Seville and Igor Akinfeev, one of the best goalies in the world, but its hard to imagine them advancing.

So lets get ready for a super Euro 2008.