Friday, July 13, 2012

... Like a rolling stone...

I need somebody, HELP!!
Not just anybody, HELP!!
You know I ....

Aww crap!!!!

That’s not what I wanted to write.. Or started to write about anyway..

I just wanted to write about how easily I get distracted and I need to get some help, keeping all the distractions at bay..

When I was younger, so much younger than today,
Never needed anybody’s help in any way..
Stop, Stop, STOP!!!

It’s just one thought after the other… If I ever could populate my thought bubbles in real time, like a comic book, I would be on a never ending loop.

I just started the post as HELP!!!, and then I hear John Lennon going all Help!!! in my head..

And then I go down that path, just following that trail..

I think I should be down with some kind of Adult ADHD or something..

Only, it is attention deficit for sure, definitely no hyperactivity, and I am certain some kind of disorder.

I think ADD is definitely a possibility.

Constant badgering makes me going after the biggest bling of information at the first opportunity..

Like a bloody Powerpoint presentation, that goes over everything in bullet points, and I keep going to the next slide wondering what fabulous tidbit of useless information am I going to be attracted to next..

Like a kid in a candy store or an addict desperate for his next high.

Too much information, very little application.

Everything force fed to me in packets that I am told are customized to give me everything I need to know,

You know it is ironic, that what I need to know is also told to me by the person providing me that information.

Like NDTV giving me a stupid cheat sheet for every random bit of faux outrage that it keeps trying to manufacture.


Give me data, don’t give me your analysis. I really don’t care about your analysis or your opinions.

And I don’t care what others think about it either.

FYI, Data is plural for datum, not for anecdotes.

Just give me the friggin’ data, let me decide, and no one gets hurt.

Don’t tell me that by having 8% conviction rate, the state of Maharashtra is more lawless than Bihar or UP, or that having a 90+% conviction rate in the North East is something to be proud of.

Don’t tell me that every person charged, is automatically a convict.

Don’t tell me that just because you think a politician is involved, he is guilty...

Don't tell me everything going on is basically a gigantic conspiracy theory out to screw your happiness..

Don’t tell me that it’s not your fault, but someone else is responsible for the mess you’re in..

I'll need some information first
Just the basic facts
Can you show me where it hurts?

There is no pain you are receding
A distant ship's smoke on the horizon
You are only coming through in waves
Your lips move
But I can't hear what you're saying

Friday, July 06, 2012

Mental Masturbation - Or Khayali Pulao for a family audience..

A month and two days from today, this blog completes 8 years. By the count listed on the blogger dashboard, I have 442 posts completed, this being 443. 443 posts in 95 months is roughly 4 posts a month. I have strived to keep posting once a week, though for the last 8 weeks or so, have been ridiculously lazy. I wish I can blame someone, or something, but as always the fault lies not in my stars but in myself.

But that is not the point of this post. Since Blogger has started keeping track of the pageviews, this blog has also been viewed 14,650 times, which comes to about 150 (or so) times a month. Not bad since I could never have thought that people would want to read what I write. 150 a month, is not quite Andrew Sullivan category, but not bad I say.

Over the last 8 years, I have come to the realization that irrespective of whether you like to read this or not, I truly enjoy writing. But it takes testicular fortitude of an exceptional kind to write for a living – the kind that I only dream of right now. I tried briefly to have a Google Adsense account to track whether I could make a living out of this thing, but in 8 years, my total account accrual was $7.30 and even that I was not eligible for, since I don’t have a US address any more. But if I ever I start seeing more pageviews for this blog, (say maybe 100,000 a month), well you never know..

That said, the pageviews frequency has correlated closely with the frequency of writing. I have had months where I have reached about a thousand or so viewers. Even random people from Russia, Sweden and Argentina have viewed this blog. So there’s probably a lesson there. And (perfect) practice makes perfect. I could really do with some more writing practice.

But then, this is the age of instant gratification. An age of shortcuts. An age where the phrase “minor details” has gained prominence, and people (myself included) take the lift instead of the stairs. Teachers go through Google to set exam papers and students go through the same Google search to get answer keys. Given that I have the responsibilities of an employee, a dutiful husband, a doting father, a responsible son and brother, an MBA student, and a citizen of this world, I really don’t have the time to keep writing random crap that someone may or may not read in order to fulfill my dream of becoming a published author & minor celebrity with 1000 twitter followers. I need a tried and tested method for improving the pageview count so that this blog becomes popular enough to be listed in the celebrity pages. And what’s more, I don’t have time or money to enlist a management consultant, or a branding consultant or a PR representative, or an image management consultant, or whatever the hell people these days do to become popular.

So I am going to do something which I have anecdotal evidence that it works like a charm. This is something I have seen based on whatever websites I visit on the topic, and the PR machine is stupendous. Details are skipped when it comes to this tactic, and reading my Facebook wall is what is the one stop shop to remedying all that ails this country. I am using you, dear reader, as a guinea pig in my experiment to increase the viewership of this blog, that will help me in my selfish motive to become a celebrity. So here goes:

This country needs a strong, dynamic, vibrant, visionary leader like Narendra Modi, even if he is an egotistical, manipulative, insecure maniac.

….. to be continued..